| It was a typical evening in our home. Arguments from | | | | responded to me with respectful behavior, I would say, |
| my teenager, opposition from my preschooler - family | | | | "Wow, you just earned a sticker". I would put a sticker |
| dynamics that were driving me crazy. I don't | | | | on the chart immediately. Another important aspect of |
| remember quite what sent me over the edge. I do | | | | this type of system is that all family members are on |
| remember reaching my limit. We've all been there. | | | | the same page. Your expectations are the same for |
| However, this time, for me, was different. Usually, I am | | | | each child. If you are trying to discourage hitting, for |
| a flexible and patient parent. Mrs. Incredible I was not | | | | instance, no one is exempt. One might be tempted to |
| this night. I was unwilling to stretch any further. In other | | | | be harder on an older child, and let a toddler slip by. |
| words, I developed an immediate no-nonsense attitude | | | | This will discourage your children if they are not |
| and set to work on putting in place a new plan for my | | | | treated fairly. At the same time, your husband or any |
| children.I decided my children need to understand what | | | | other adult responsible for disciplining the children, must |
| "honor and respect your parents" means. Sitting in | | | | also understand and adhere to the new plan. Make |
| front of my computer, I defined "respect" and | | | | sure you are not in disagreement with other adults in |
| "disrespect" in terms my children would understand. | | | | the home or the children will be confused, and behavior |
| Respect meant saying yes instead of no, listening fast | | | | changes will not happen.Now, I knew my four year old |
| instead of slow, saying okay and doing what I ask | | | | would love stickers, but I wasn't so sure about the |
| them to do, and dealing with their anger appropriately. | | | | ability of stickers to motivate my fourteen year old. |
| Disrespectful behaviors, on the other hand, were talking | | | | Something unexpected set into motion. Because I have |
| back, arguing, and ignoring me, yelling or making | | | | two boys, the game soon became a competition to |
| demeaning remarks.Being well educated in behavior | | | | get tons of stickers. There was even a little healthy |
| management techniques, I set out to create a chart | | | | competition between the two of them to act |
| that would be used to reward and discipline respectful | | | | respectfully. Now, of course, they tested me to see if I |
| and disrespectful behaviors. At the top of the chart | | | | was really serious about penalties for disrespect. They |
| was the big title, "Honor and Respect Your Parents". | | | | learned the hard way that I was not going to tolerate |
| Underneath the title were the definitions of respect and | | | | disrespect. A few check marks were issued, but the |
| disrespect. A behavior management chart is not | | | | most exhilarating result was that I am finally hearing |
| complete without the rewards and penalties. The | | | | two beautiful words most of the time: "OKAY MOM". |
| penalty for disrespect was an automatic check mark | | | | What a change has taken place in our home. Our |
| and a loss of 4 hours of video/computer/TV time. The | | | | environment is more positive and peaceful. The |
| penalty can be whatever one wants. The important | | | | children are learning an extremely important life lesson. |
| thing is that it is immediate and painful for the child. I am | | | | We have since graduated from "Honor and respect |
| not advocating physical pain - just taking away | | | | your parents" to "Honor and respect everyone". This |
| something that is important to the child. On my chart, | | | | cuts down on sibling disputes and teaches children that |
| the reward for respectful behavior was a sticker. Five | | | | everyone is worthy of respect.This type of behavior |
| stickers was equivalent to one hour of special privilege | | | | management system can be used with any type of |
| time. The chart was divided into 4 sections because I | | | | child behavior you are trying to change. Define for your |
| have two children. The top half was reserved for my | | | | children what the desired and undesirable behavior look |
| teenager and the bottom half was for my preschooler. | | | | like. Institute a rewards and consequences program |
| Each of them had two sections - one for respect and | | | | that fits your children. Notice and reward the desired |
| one for disrespect. After explaining to my children | | | | behavior every time you see it. Immediately and |
| what was expected of them and how things were | | | | consistently issue a consequence for the undesirable |
| going to work, we put the new program into | | | | behavior. Success depends on rewarding the good |
| place.Now, it is very easy to recognize disrespectful | | | | often, making the consequences for the bad painful, |
| behavior because it is annoying and challenging. | | | | and CONSISTENCY! Soon, you too, may hear music in |
| However, it is more important to notice the respectful | | | | your ears or see beauty from your eyes.Lori Radun, |
| behavior if you are going to make changes in your | | | | CEC - certified life coach for moms. |
| children. This is what I did. Every single time my children | | | | |