| Your relationship with your teenager can often seem | | | | say. Saying I am sorry to your teen shows respect for |
| strained resulting from busy schedules, power | | | | their feelings and authenticity as a person. It eliminates |
| struggles, and just the basic process of growing up. | | | | the one up man ship between parent/child, and models |
| Here are the top 5 things that you can say to help | | | | healthy conflict resolution. |
| maintain a positive rapport with your teen, despite your | | | | Parent Tip: Do you really want to shock your teen? In |
| differences: | | | | addition to apologizing, ask your teen for their |
| 1. "I love you" | | | | forgiveness for your offense. |
| This sounds simple, and overstated. However, you | | | | 4. "You are important just because you exist." |
| would not believe how many teens I have counseled | | | | Our culture rewards accomplishments and ridicules |
| that have told me "I know my parents love me, but | | | | failure. Thus, it sends the message that if you are |
| they never actually tell me they do." While they dismiss | | | | successful then you are valuable and if you fail you |
| this due to "my mother/father just doesn't talk about | | | | are less than. Positive affirmations must be filled with |
| feelings," deep down everyone breathing needs to be | | | | descriptions of character, not just achievements. |
| told they are loved. | | | | Successes and personality are equally significant. |
| Parent tip: If your teen is embarrassed by public | | | | Parent Tip: Handout positive affirmations about your |
| gushiness, then write him/her a note and leave it in a | | | | teens attributes, not just achievements. Example: |
| special place to be discovered. | | | | "You're brilliant" rather than "Great job on that A." |
| 2. "Thank you" | | | | 5. "You are worthy of my time." |
| A word of thanks goes along way, especially for a | | | | This can be said and shown to your teen. Spend time |
| teenager. Many parents challenge me on why they | | | | with your teen getting to know him/her. Become an |
| should say thanks to their son/daughter for "doing | | | | observer of their personality, beliefs, and passions. |
| those things (chores, good grades, dressing | | | | Treat them as if you are meeting them for the first |
| appropriately, etc) that they should be doing?" My | | | | time, and really want to get to know them. They may |
| answer is simple: Don't you like it when others show | | | | resist your attempt, especially if is new to both of you. |
| their appreciation to you for even the mundane things | | | | However, generally persistence is the key. |
| in life? Why would it be any different for teens? In a | | | | Parent Tip: Spend 10-15 minute each morning or |
| world that demands so much, gratitude is so refreshing. | | | | evening 3-5 days per week in conversation with your |
| Parent Tip: Send your teen a random text message | | | | teenager, where you are listening more than talking. |
| today thanking them something they have done, even | | | | You may be surprised by the person they have |
| if it is expected. | | | | become. |
| 3. "I'm sorry" | | | | This phase can be challenging for both you and your |
| Perhaps the three most powerful words that can | | | | teenager. But can be manageable and enjoyable with |
| make or break any relationship are "I am sorry." Yet, | | | | maintaining open communication and respect for one |
| for some they are the most difficult three words to | | | | another. |