| Simple things matter. Young children want | | | | start speaking - try "I think you've worked |
| their parent's attention. This is why good | | | | hard today!" or "You looked really happy when |
| behavior, appropriately praised, tends to be | | | | you heard Gran was coming to stay" or "I'll |
| repeated - the child knows that the parent | | | | be glad when it's the weekend - I love it |
| will take the time to tell the child that | | | | when the family is all together". Talking |
| they are pleased. Sometimes, children go to | | | | about feelings means the child is very likely |
| extremes of bad behavior (for example, | | | | to respond. They know they are the only ones |
| shouting or tantrums) in an attempt to get | | | | who can say how they feel - so there can't be |
| their parents to pay attention. | | | | a "wrong" reply. |
| | | | |
| Your child needs your undivided attention | | | | Even speaking on the phone, if you can't be |
| every day. This might be for as brief a | | | | with them, is a chance to make your child |
| period as five minutes - but it has to be | | | | feel valued and respected. It is essential |
| time totally devoted to them. Reading the | | | | that there aren't any distractions. Don't |
| newspaper and half-heartedly listening to | | | | call them when you're sitting in front of the |
| your child doesn't count! Show that all of | | | | TV or computer. Or driving. You have to |
| your concentration is just on them. Answer | | | | concentrate harder on a phone call for it to |
| their questions or become completely absorbed | | | | be meaningful to a child. You have to make |
| by what they are doing or telling you. You | | | | up for the fact that they can't see you |
| just have to be fully engaging with them. | | | | smiling at them, or that you're nodding to |
| One obvious opportunity is at the end of the | | | | encourage them. Make yourself comfortable |
| school day, when you ask how they got on - | | | | and close your eyes if you can - try to |
| and really try to understand the importance | | | | picture their face as they speak to you. |
| of what they have to say. | | | | |
| | | | When a child realises that every day without |
| Don't let your child think they're being | | | | fail, you will find the time to talk to them |
| interrogated, or they will try to end the | | | | about what really matters to them, their |
| conversation as soon as possible. Children | | | | unwanted, challenging behavior will start to |
| often don't like to be asked direct | | | | peter out. You'll understand them a bit |
| questions. Talking around the subject can be | | | | better - and the whole house will be more |
| a better way of helping them to open up. A | | | | harmonious as a result. |
| simple comment can sometimes get them to | | | | |