| "...the principle of civil reciprocity is a solid one, for which | | | | a lot of tact, sometimes, I inadvertently blurt out some |
| reason it is occasion for total, staggering dismay that it | | | | inane and completely inappropriate comment. I just do |
| appears to be on its way out." Lynne Truss fumes in | | | | not even know where to begin to teach him a better |
| her wonderfully, hotheaded bestseller, Talk to the Hand | | | | way to behave." |
| #?*! The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, | | | | It is not uncommon to hear parents today say that |
| or Six Good Reasons to Stay at Home and Bolt the | | | | their children are "gifted", "brilliant", "testing for genius", or |
| Door. | | | | possessing "perfect pitch". Perhaps these parents are |
| "Shut up Mom!" hollers a three year old from her perch | | | | so busy pointing out the great, it is difficult to see the |
| in the grocery cart. "Is this all there is?" a six year old | | | | not-so-great? Maybe these parents are fearful if they |
| questions, as he unhappily chooses a lollipop from the | | | | say anything deemed negative or judgmental, they will |
| reward bag his teacher has just handed him. "I was | | | | damage their children's psyches? Maybe pointing out a |
| going to invite my friend Jordan, but he couldn't make it, | | | | child's "not-so-great" behavior makes the parent look |
| so I had to invite you..." laments a 13 year old boy to a | | | | "not-so-great"? |
| classmate, as he chews an enormous bite of a | | | | Many people hypothesize the reasons behind (per the |
| sandwich...with his mouth open... | | | | sub-title in Lynn Truss' book), "The Utter Bloody |
| "I don't want to prepare her for a cotillion, maybe I | | | | Rudeness of the World Today." Maybe the trend is a |
| could just get her to look up at me and stop 'texting' | | | | consequence of high divorce rates, increasing single |
| for a moment, when I ask her about her day?" says | | | | parent homes, the great number of two working |
| the dad of sixth grade Stephanie. | | | | parents, political correctness, video games, The Media, |
| People are mourning the loss of etiquette. The search | | | | The Internet, the pornification of society...maybe a |
| term that brings the highest number of people to my | | | | combination of the list? But is the question even |
| parenting blog, day after day, year after year is | | | | relevant? None of these "possible causes" are going |
| "children's manners". Parents want their children to be | | | | away any time soon. |
| well mannered and they themselves would like to be | | | | So it becomes our job as parents to accept the |
| treated with dignity and respect...maybe even a little | | | | culture as it is today, and teach our children good |
| deference. | | | | manners. Arming our children with manners and values |
| Kids are kids and expected to say outrageous things | | | | allows them the opportunity to make good choices |
| from time to time. The days of "children should be | | | | when faced with the curve balls, "the world" will |
| seen and not heard" are long gone. However, children | | | | inevitably throw at them. |
| need to be trained to not only place their napkins in | | | | Respecting and valuing others, developing high integrity |
| their laps, but to be aware that they are members of | | | | and making others feel at ease, are probably the key |
| a large global society. As the credit card commercial | | | | reasons that society practices good manners. |
| says, "Membership has its privileges". Membership also | | | | Manners put us at ease with those people that we |
| has its responsibilities, the biggest responsibility, valuing | | | | know. Manners make us feel safe around complete |
| the other members. | | | | strangers. |
| If kids aren't displaying good manners, it is not a big | | | | It would be anxiety provoking, to say the least, if there |
| stretch to assume that parents aren't teaching and/or | | | | were no rules of social etiquette. What if, when |
| modeling good manners. A father, who demonstrates | | | | browsing through a dress rack at the mall, it was |
| boorish manners, gives the green light to his child to | | | | perfectly acceptable for the stranger browsing |
| use boorish manners; dad might even think it is funny | | | | alongside us, coveting the discounted blouse we got to |
| when his child acts out in public. The problem is we | | | | first, to pop us one in the jaw and wrestle us to the |
| (instructors, teachers, coaches, admissions officers, and | | | | floor for the garment? How often would we go to the |
| bosses) don't find the child's behavior funny, and we | | | | mall? |
| (instructors, teachers, coaches, admissions officers, and | | | | It is okay that social standards have relaxed over the |
| bosses) quickly pass him over. Sadly, the ill-mannered | | | | past 75 years. Rigidity and strict rules don't fit today's |
| child never had a chance; his father chose his behavior, | | | | world. Pinafores, cotillions, white gloves, dessert spoons, |
| and the consequences of that behavior, for him. | | | | sipping tea from the saucer, and pillbox hats seem out |
| Why aren't parents teaching manners if they would like | | | | of place in most social circles. But the basic tenets of |
| their children to use good manners, and they know that | | | | etiquette still hold strong and true. |
| their children must exhibit good manners to succeed? | | | | Proper table manners, pleasant conversational skills, |
| It does seem, from the many parents that I interview, | | | | appropriate dress and the use of tact are social |
| that parents today are not too keen on being the "bad | | | | graces that make interacting with others easy and |
| guys" to their children. Parents want their children to | | | | agreeable. Etiquette rules that embrace the goals of |
| have manners, but cringe at correcting their children's | | | | respecting and valuing others, having high integrity and |
| bad behavior. "I hate to come home from work after | | | | putting others at ease, make living side by side easy. It |
| not seeing my kids all day and have to start disciplining | | | | is hard to argue the merit of good etiquette. |
| their behavior; I would rather just goof around with | | | | Fail to teach children manners and fail them. Without |
| them." | | | | proper manners training, children will run into awkward |
| Other parents didn't receive manners training | | | | situations as they mature that will probably limit their |
| themselves, so teaching manners to their children is not | | | | options for success. We want our kids to be |
| an option. "I feel at a huge disadvantage. I wasn't | | | | participatory members of a thriving and exciting, civil |
| taught manners as a child and I am very | | | | society. The last thing that parents want for their |
| uncomfortable in certain social situations. I struggle at | | | | children is for them to have to "Stay home and bolt |
| business events because, I hate to admit it, I don't have | | | | the door. |