| Good parents, in contrast to bad parents, build their | | | | child's desire with an interesting promise, or story telling, |
| communication with children on requests. Good parents | | | | or by example, or by encouraging to do something |
| ask, not demand. Good parents do not expect | | | | together - this will be done by your own efforts. This is |
| obedience and practice being Yes parents first before | | | | an act of goodness, increasing your child's dignity. If |
| they get a Yes response from children. What else do | | | | you try to make your child do what you ask by |
| good parents know about requests? | | | | threatening him, or by scolding, addressing your child's |
| - Do not demand that your children ask | | | | sense of guilt, by shaming and preaching - it will be |
| If you are eating an apple and your child enters the | | | | done at your child's expense, by decreasing your child's |
| room, runs to grab another apple, do not demand | | | | dignity. |
| "What are you supposed to say?" If your child | | | | - Know why demanding is a lose-lose strategy |
| mumbles in response "May I..." it doesn't mean you | | | | Most parents don't feel comfortable, sometimes, if they |
| taught your child a lesson in good manners. In fact it | | | | need to ask a child something. "Who am I to bow to |
| was a lesson of tactlessness and humiliation, especially | | | | him? To be humiliated by him?" This happens when |
| if you did it in front of other people. The child won't | | | | parents themselves are not free from fears, not |
| think that he or she did something disrespectful, instead | | | | internally free people. They are afraid of their children's |
| the child will come to the conclusion that asking for | | | | denial. They choose to demand, to threaten, to reach |
| something is very uncomfortable, humiliating and feels | | | | their goal by making children fear them. This strategy |
| bad. The child will hate asking, because he or she will | | | | may work, but only for awhile. When children grow up, |
| remember how low valued they were viewed by the | | | | they start to rebel and eventually stop any |
| parents, and how disrespected it feels. | | | | communication with their parents. Demanding is a |
| - Reach your goal at your expense | | | | lose-lose strategy. Parents lose their children's trust. |
| A child doesn't do anything to hurt you on purpose, | | | | Children lose their parents moral support and guidance. |
| unless you hurt his dignity first. If your child doesn't | | | | The good news is that parents can choose to change |
| respond to your request, especially in front of other | | | | their attitude and work toward cooperation with their |
| people, there are many reasons. The child is busy with | | | | children, wherein everyone wins. With a strong desire, |
| a game, or tired and not attentive, overwhelmed or | | | | any parent can reach this cooperation with a child, to |
| simply doesn't want to do what you ask. If you can | | | | some level, even though it requires lots of patience and |
| reach your goal at your expense: by triggering your | | | | kindness. |