| I"ll skip all the scientific details for now and jump right to | | | | want instead of just prohibiting what you don't. Wait |
| the bottom line: | | | | until you are cool enough to ask your child to |
| Our children do not learn anything when they are | | | | participate in generating alternatives with you. |
| stressed out. | | | | Of course you know I'm not suggesting you let your |
| (and neither do adults!) | | | | child get hit by a car while you do some yoga |
| Functional MRI's have allowed us to see the brain in | | | | breathing. Life-threatening situations require immediate |
| action. We now have evidence that during stress, the | | | | physical intervention. But sometimes our minds react to |
| part of the brain that is in charge of learning and | | | | mild daily infractions as if they were life-threatening. It's |
| integrating new information goes on hold while the | | | | at those times when a little bit of delay can do a lot of |
| blood supply is diverted to the part of the brain that is | | | | good. |
| in charge of the fight/flight/freeze response. | | | | So go ahead and put a stop to the behavior in a |
| When we yell at our kids (and we all do it sometimes) | | | | responsible way. Then take a time out for yourself until |
| we are introducing a stressor that disrupts their ability | | | | you are ready to have a reasonable discussion about |
| to learn. So lessons imparted while screaming, | | | | what happened, why it was not okay, and what might |
| punishing, or guilt-tripping don't actually penetrate to the | | | | work better next time. For toddlers, you may need to |
| part of the child's brain that can make good use of the | | | | give physical guidance with your body - saying pet the |
| information. This is why we are so often frustrated by | | | | doggy like this while you are holding your child's hand in |
| catching our kids repeating the very behavior we so | | | | yours and guiding it gently. |
| adamantly taught them was inappropriate. | | | | Remember Mary Poppins singing just a spoonful of |
| If we want our kids to retain and have access to | | | | sugar helps the medicine go down? It's the same thing |
| alternative behaviors that we find more acceptable, | | | | with parental guidance. Suggestions delivered with love |
| we need to talk it over with them after both we and | | | | and respect are much easier for our kids to retain. |
| they have calmed down. | | | | Easier said than done? Yeah. We are all wonderfully |
| My bestest briefest parenting advice in one word: | | | | human. Luckily, kids are very forgiving, and easily |
| WAIT | | | | accept apologies. It's never too late to say, "Oops, I'm |
| Wait to teach until you feel calmer. Wait until you are | | | | sorry for yelling about that. I'm feeling a lot better now ... |
| back in control of your breathing to let your child know | | | | can we back it up and try to figure out a new plan |
| what was not okay about his or her behavior. | | | | together? |
| Wait until you are thinking clearly about what you DO | | | | |