| Imagine you are in the Doctor's office waiting room | | | | for bad behavior, and that's exactly what you're doing |
| with your two small children, ages 4 and 5 1/2. The | | | | by offering bribes if they stop doing what they |
| older one begins to punch the younger one in the arm, | | | | shouldn't have been doing in the first place. Does the |
| causing younger one to wail. How do you handle it? | | | | real world ever work like that? If your boss caught you |
| Before I tell you, here's what does not work. | | | | stealing a printer and sneaking out the back door, do |
| Say wearily, "Boys, I need you to be nice to each | | | | you think he'd say, "Hey, if you put that back, I'll give |
| other and stop fighting, ok? Can you just stop fighting?" | | | | you a raise. Just put that back, OK???" I would say |
| They're not going to do it. While children love their | | | | that the barter system simply doesn't work and is |
| mommy, they don't CARE that you've got 40 dollars | | | | teaching your child the wrong thing. Period. |
| left in your checking account, and your car is acting up, | | | | Another method, ignoring the problem...doesn't work, |
| and your boss is treating you like crap, and you feel | | | | AND it's highly annoying to anyone else around. I have |
| fat, and you only got 5 hours of sleep last night, and | | | | seen children pretty much throwing tantrums in the |
| you are about 6 loads behind on the laundry and the | | | | grocery store while the mother calmly picks out a |
| phone's about to be cut off. They love you, but they | | | | couple of pounds of ground beef. I have been in |
| don't care about adult problems and building stress, | | | | someone's home, trying to relax, trying to have a |
| because guess what? They're not adults. They are | | | | conversation with the parents, while their child is racing |
| naturally self-centered, inexperienced, mostly trouble | | | | around, interrupting every 10 seconds, making demands |
| free children. Let them worry about the big stuff later. | | | | and being an overall brat. The parents might huff and |
| It also won't work to say between clenched teeth, "If | | | | sigh every now and then or make a feeble attempt at |
| you two don't stop, we're leaving here. We'll just leave | | | | shushing Jr., but in the end, they choose not to respond, |
| and go to the car, and then you'll REALLY be in | | | | making the situation worse. Ironically, once the child is |
| trouble." Bullshit. You're not leaving, you're not taking | | | | finally distracted by something else, the parents might |
| them to the car, and they won't be in more trouble | | | | look at their guest (me), roll their eyes and grin |
| than they already are. Threats do not work. | | | | sheepishly as if to say, "What are you gonna do? Kids |
| Over-exaggerated threats especially don't work. I | | | | are kids." I will say this: I am not amused. |
| know a young mother who will say to her | | | | Finally, there is the method of repeating yourself 27 |
| back-seat-fighting-kids at the top of her lungs, "YOU | | | | times before finally giving up or giving in. This method |
| GUYS STOP THAT RIGHT NOW, OR I WILL PULL | | | | probably baffles me the most. Why did you expend all |
| THIS CAR OVER AND PUT YOU ON THE SIDE OF | | | | that energy if you were just going to give in? All you're |
| THE ROAD AND DRIVE AWAY AND LEAVE YOU | | | | teaching your child is that you can be worn down. I'll |
| THERE FOREVER!!!" | | | | concede to the point that there will have to be days |
| Um....no, you won't. And regardless of how crazy you | | | | when you are simply too exhausted to enforce every |
| might be acting, the kids know you won't. You're not | | | | single rule you have. That's life, and no amount of |
| going to abandon your own children on the side of the | | | | bubble bath can offer redemption on those days. But it |
| road, so don't even say it. Besides that, most parents | | | | is your job and your responsibility as the parent of that |
| simply don't follow through. You know what I'm talking | | | | child to make sure he is raised in a way that molds him |
| about. How many threats do you think you hear in | | | | into a decent adult. Letting him have his way only |
| public on a daily basis? How many times have you | | | | reinforces bullying, selfishness and inconsideration. |
| heard, "If you don't stop, we're going to the car."? Have | | | | So what DOES work? I will tell you honestly that with |
| you EVER seen someone actually take their child to | | | | 3 children, I never had to deal with that situation. No |
| the car? If you have, find that parent and give them an | | | | one ever screamed that they wanted candy in the |
| award. They're one of the few who actually mean | | | | grocery store. None of them ever threw a fit in public. |
| what they say. I've felt like volunteering my services a | | | | And if I told them to stop doing something while we |
| few times ("Hi! I'll take your brat to the car if you | | | | were out anywhere, they stopped. The worst I had to |
| won't!") but decided they might not take that very | | | | deal with were a few pouting mouths. That's because I |
| kindly. Do your child a favor and take the word "if" out | | | | didn't threaten, ignore, make deals or repeat myself. My |
| of your vocabulary. | | | | instructions were simply the end of the matter. When |
| Here's another approach that doesn't work. Well, | | | | your children are very young, I believe this is the purest |
| every now and then it works, so I consider it to be one | | | | and most effective way to discipline. In the situation at |
| of the top most abused and ill-used methods; the | | | | the Doctor's office, here's what to do. Tell them to |
| DEAL. "Honey, if you stop fighting with your brother, | | | | stop once and let that be the end of it. They will know |
| we can go get ice cream after we finish here. | | | | you mean it by how you say it. Look them straight in |
| OK????" First, kids want instant gratification, so most | | | | their precious little eyes and say, "You boys will stop |
| of them don't care what's coming later. They want it | | | | fighting right now." Watch them until they know you will |
| now. So you've just created another problem and | | | | not stop paying attention until they stop. If, as we're |
| another opportunity for them to misbehave. Second | | | | often told, misbehaving is a cry for attention, pay |
| (and most important), you should never reward a child | | | | attention. That's all it takes. |