| behaviour problems are one of the major issues for | | | | breathing down their neck. |
| most parents. There are many causes for their | | | | Listen: Teenage years are not just about a change in |
| behaviour issues — hormonal and physical | | | | your teenager’s life but also in yours. What |
| changes, stress at school, family stress and peer | | | | makes parenting teenagers tough is the lack of |
| group pressure. Key symptoms include: disruptive | | | | acceptance of the second half of the above |
| behaviour, decline in performance at school, withdrawal | | | | statement. As parents if we keep on doing things in |
| from relationships, argumentative and bickering nature | | | | the old ways, it is not going to help improve the |
| and lack of social skills. During this time of turmoil in | | | | situation. Parenting teenagers is all about changing our |
| teenager’s life parents need to show absolute | | | | role from tell to listen. |
| support to them. This can only be achieved through | | | | Do not be critical: When listening do not be judgemental |
| proper communication style. Below are some tips to | | | | or sarcastic. Rather than constantly criticising them or |
| improve your communication style with your teenager: | | | | making jokes about their appearance or views, you |
| Allow them to express: Most teenage behaviour | | | | should encourage them and support them through this |
| problems are a result of bottle up feelings and | | | | time. Even if you want to criticise — criticise |
| emotions and your teenager’s inability to | | | | behaviours not person. |
| express their feelings, without being criticised. Key | | | | Think of your reactions: The key tactic to be aware of |
| things to bear in mind to get these feelings out from | | | | when parenting adolescents, once you have realised |
| your teenager are: | | | | that your teen’s actions aren’t harming |
| Ask open-ended questions and let them speak | | | | anyone, is to avoid confrontation. Try and remain calm |
| and express their thoughts without interruption. | | | | and patient in all aspects of teenage parenting. The |
| Encourage your teen to open up and offer support | | | | thing to remember is that you need to put your |
| in an unconditional way. | | | | feelings to the side, and rather than reacting in an |
| Try to talk to them in a polite yet firm way if they | | | | extreme manner, you need to find ways to show your |
| have behaved badly. Express your displeasure and | | | | teenager the impact and outcome of their actions. |
| ask them for explanation. | | | | Show Empathy: Give them space and allow them to |
| Think about what you say. Bombarding them with | | | | explore their emotions and ask you for support where |
| demands, instructions, or questions you want | | | | required. You will need to acknowledge the pain that |
| answered, when they are actually talking to you about | | | | they are going through even though it might appear silly |
| something else will make them feel unwanted and | | | | and irrational to you. Reassure them you're behind |
| unimportant which will make teenage parenting even | | | | them 100 per cent, and help them to review all their |
| more difficult for you. | | | | options. |
| The next logical step in parenting teenagers is to | | | | Rebuild your relationship: When your child enters their |
| treat them like an adult — ask for their opinions | | | | teens, as with any relationship, you need to give the |
| and advice, and encourage them to come up with | | | | relationship with them time to develop to the next |
| solutions to issues faced by the family. | | | | phase. |
| At the same time you will need to take your | | | | In the book Solving Teenage Problems, a few |
| teenager’s anger and disruptive behaviour | | | | communication techniques are explained that can help |
| seriously. If the teens sense they are not being taken | | | | you get the perspective behind some of the tips |
| seriously, all hope of helping them goes down the drain. | | | | above. The book also provides some models to help |
| Avoid making light of their feelings. | | | | you enhance your communication style and have an |
| Get out of the constant ordering mode and coach | | | | effective and fruitful communication with the teenager; |
| them as much as possible. | | | | whatever the situation. |
| Finally, give space — don’t keep on | | | | |