| Teenage behaviour problems are one of the major | | | | your teenager's life but also in yours. What makes |
| issues for most parents. There are many causes for | | | | parenting teenagers tough is the lack of acceptance |
| their behaviour issues - hormonal and physical changes, | | | | of the second half of the above statement. As |
| stress at school, family stress and peer group | | | | parents if we keep on doing things in the old ways, it is |
| pressure. Key symptoms include: disruptive behaviour, | | | | not going to help improve the situation. Parenting |
| decline in performance at school, withdrawal from | | | | teenagers is all about changing our role from "tell" to |
| relationships, argumentative and bickering nature and | | | | "listen". |
| lack of social skills. During this time of turmoil in | | | | Do not be critical: When listening do not be judgmental |
| teenager's life parents need to show absolute support | | | | or sarcastic. Rather than constantly criticising them or |
| to them. This can only be achieved through proper | | | | making jokes about their appearance or views, you |
| communication style. Below are some tips to improve | | | | should encourage them and support them through this |
| your communication style with your teenager: | | | | time. Even if you want to criticise - criticise behaviours |
| Allow them to express: Most teenage behaviour | | | | not person. |
| problems are a result of bottle up feelings and | | | | Think of your reactions: The key tactic to be aware of |
| emotions and your teenager's inability to express their | | | | when parenting adolescents, once you have realised |
| feelings, without being criticised. Key things to bear in | | | | that your teen's actions aren't harming anyone, is to |
| mind to get these feelings out from your teenager are: | | | | avoid confrontation. Try and remain calm and patient in |
| · Ask open-ended questions and let them speak and | | | | all aspects of teenage parenting. The thing to |
| express their thoughts without interruption. | | | | remember is that you need to put your feelings to the |
| · Encourage your teen to open up and offer support | | | | side, and rather than reacting in an extreme manner, |
| in an unconditional way. | | | | you need to find ways to show your teenager the |
| · Try to talk to them in a polite yet firm way if they | | | | impact and outcome of their actions. |
| have behaved badly. Express your displeasure and | | | | Show Empathy: Give them space and allow them to |
| ask them for explanation. | | | | explore their emotions and ask you for support where |
| · Think about what you say. Bombarding them with | | | | required. You will need to acknowledge the pain that |
| demands, instructions, or questions you want | | | | they are going through even though it might appear silly |
| answered, when they are actually talking to you about | | | | and irrational to you. Reassure them you're behind |
| something else will make them feel unwanted and | | | | them 100 per cent, and help them to review all their |
| unimportant which will make teenage parenting even | | | | options. |
| more difficult for you. | | | | Rebuild your relationship: When your child enters their |
| · The next logical step in parenting teenagers is to | | | | teens, as with any relationship, you need to give the |
| treat them like an adult - ask for their opinions and | | | | relationship with them time to develop to the next |
| advice, and encourage them to come up with solutions | | | | phase. |
| to issues faced by the family. | | | | In the book "Solving Teenage Problems", a few |
| · At the same time you will need to take your | | | | communication techniques are explained that can help |
| teenager's anger and disruptive behaviour seriously. If | | | | you get the perspective behind some of the tips |
| the teens sense they are not being taken seriously, all | | | | above. The book also provides some models to help |
| hope of helping them goes down the drain. | | | | you enhance your communication style and have an |
| · Avoid making light of their feelings. | | | | effective and fruitful communication with the teenager; |
| · Get out of the constant ordering mode and coach | | | | whatever the situation. Teenage parenting is not very |
| them as much as possible. | | | | easy, but constant perseverance and practice of |
| · Finally, give space - don't keep on breathing down | | | | some of the communication techniques can help you |
| their neck. | | | | achieve great results. |
| Listen: Teenage years are not just about a change in | | | | |