| To feel loved, safe, and secure is fundamental to | | | | opportunities to interact in such a way that honest |
| everyone, regardless of age. That is why we must | | | | communication can occur. |
| ensure that we make time in our busy days to provide | | | | These should be the times when children feel relaxed |
| a special moment for each of our children and for | | | | and free to express themselves without interruption |
| ourselves. | | | | and be listened to. Time in front of the TV or going to |
| "You don't know how I feel and you don't care", | | | | a movie does not provide these opportunities. |
| "Leave me alone", "Get out of my space", "I don't need | | | | When children feel that they have to vie for their |
| you". | | | | parents' attention, the results are often disastrous. The |
| If you have ever heard these kinds of comments from | | | | undivided attention of a parent is important to a child |
| your children then perhaps it's time to stand back and | | | | but not always a top priority for a busy parent. |
| look at what is happening between you and your | | | | The intention of the schedules and reminder notes is |
| family. | | | | not to 'force' the family into routine that suits you. It is, |
| How do we address everyone's needs, including our | | | | rather, an attempt to establish patterns of behaviour |
| own? How do we deal with the specific needs of our | | | | (yours and your children's) that benefit the whole family |
| children without sacrificing our own sanity? | | | | and to create a peaceful atmosphere where |
| Who or what comes first? Your career? Your family? | | | | everyone feels loved and valued. |
| Your partner? Your health? | | | | Here are some tips that may help to show your |
| Step one is to admit that we are not guilty of a crime | | | | children that you really do care about them: |
| by acknowledging that we are not perfect. | | | | Take time to listen to your children without interruption. |
| So the house is not picture perfect. All the washing | | | | For little ones, get down to their level, perhaps kneel or |
| and ironing isn't done! Does that matter more than | | | | sit with them. They will appreciate your undivided |
| whether you have spent time to have a hug? Spent | | | | attention. |
| time to check homework is being done? Spent time to | | | | Ask your children how they would like to spend time |
| find out if there is a special event coming up one you | | | | with you. Be prepared to participate in what is |
| should attend? It's all about priorities. | | | | important to them even if it is an activity that you |
| You don't necessarily have to put them in a definitive | | | | would not choose yourself. |
| order. All can be balanced if you have the right attitude | | | | Observe your children do they respond to a hug; a |
| and perhaps a little professional help. | | | | quick back rub; cooking in the kitchen with you; a small, |
| Have you ever asked your children what they expect | | | | thoughtful, inexpensive gift; or genuine encouragement |
| of you? Ever told them what you expect of them? Do | | | | and praise? What do they enjoy and respond to |
| you even know what your expectations are? An | | | | most? |
| assessment of the way each family member treats | | | | Take the time to read to your children |
| the others might create a more harmonious household. | | | | Care enough to say 'no'- unreasonable requests and |
| Be honest with yourself, your partner and your children. | | | | behaviour are not acceptable. Children and teenagers |
| Admit your own shortcomings without denigrating | | | | should be aware of consequences for unacceptable |
| yourself. | | | | behaviour. |
| The need to know what is expected of them is | | | | Take every opportunity to do things with your children |
| important for all children. Depending on the age of the | | | | rather than being an observer from the side lines |
| child, expectations should be clearly outlined in language | | | | Plan special occasions. When planning a family event |
| that is positive. Give them the kinds of parameters that | | | | ask your children for their input. Give them plenty of |
| say, "you can do 'this' but 'that' is not acceptable." | | | | choice and notice. Forcing them to attend a family |
| Many times teenagers have told me, "My parents let | | | | event or an event they are not interested in is not a |
| me do what I want. They don't care." The child | | | | good start. |
| interprets this permissive attitude as, "If they don't care, | | | | Children and teenagers should be part of family |
| they don't love me enough." | | | | gatherings. These gatherings help provide them a |
| Most parents do love their children but may not know | | | | sense of belonging, responsibility and acceptance, and |
| how to show it in a way that the child understands. | | | | tolerance for others. |
| Children of all ages need some time when they can | | | | Be consistent and fair - try to cater for everyone's |
| have their parents' undivided attention. For busy people | | | | needs, including your own. What does not happen for |
| it could mean scheduling family time into your diary. It | | | | one child this week may be planned for the following |
| also means scheduling time for each child individually | | | | week. |
| and sticking to it. Quite simply, you must make time for | | | | Put aside time plan it and make it a regular part of |
| your family they need you now. | | | | your family routine |
| Families need to spend meaningful time together. This | | | | Consider regular family meetings. These are a good |
| does not mean just being in the same vicinity, but it | | | | time to discover what is, and what is not, working in |
| does mean doing simple things like cooking the family | | | | your family. Prepare guidelines for these meetings in |
| meal together, or going to places that create | | | | advance. |