| Have you ever met a child who couldn't give you the | | | | Now, if you don't know, and you'd be hard-pressed to |
| correct answers to the questions about strangers? | | | | find a scientist that could explain exactly what it is... |
| Why then, if every kid knows the "rules," will | | | | ...how can you expect your child to know? |
| ten-out-of-ten kids go with the right stranger with the | | | | As a better example of what I'm talking about, let's |
| right story? | | | | say that my daughter is about to stick a metal object, |
| In fact, that truth is the one thing that all criminally | | | | like a hair pin, into a light socket. To "help her |
| abducted kids have in common. Regardless of the kind | | | | understand" the error of her ways, I stop her and tell |
| of family they came from, their looks, size, or anything | | | | her, "honey, don't do that. There's electricity in there |
| else - the one, single, common denominator that all of | | | | and if you do that, you'll get shocked and you might die. |
| these victims have in common is... | | | | Do you understand?" |
| ...they all knew the stranger rules! | | | | And, you know what? My daughter is going to say the |
| Every parent, when discussing a missing child or the | | | | same thing to me that your child said when you |
| possibility of abduction, proudly states, "my child knows | | | | explained the stranger rules and asked, "do you |
| the rules. I made sure I taught them what they need to | | | | understand?" |
| know so I don't have to worry about that." | | | | She's going to say, "yes daddy." But... |
| They make this statement as though the parents of | | | | ...did she? Really? |
| these other children were somehow neglectful in their | | | | Does she really understand what I just said when I |
| duty by not teaching the rules to their child. The | | | | used the words: |
| implication is that: | | | | - Electricity |
| - 1) If the other parent had, this wouldn't have | | | | - Shock, or... |
| happened, and... | | | | - Die? |
| - 2) I did so I've got nothing to worry about. | | | | Or, did I just give her a reason... |
| And NOTHING could be further from the truth. | | | | ...to find out for herself?! |
| NOTHING! | | | | Let me ask that question again. Why did your child |
| Shattering The Illusion | | | | bother learning the stranger rules? |
| Let me ask you a question. I already know the answer, | | | | The answer, from the perspective of a child of six and |
| but humor me anyway. | | | | under is... |
| Ready? | | | | ...because it makes you happy when they get the |
| Why did you teach your child the stranger rules? | | | | answer right! |
| No. It's not a trick question. "Why did you bother to | | | | That's it. Nothing about danger. |
| teach them?" | | | | What's danger? |
| If your answer is anything different than, "So they'll be | | | | Nothing about strangers. |
| safe," I'll be very surprised. | | | | What's a stranger? |
| And why shouldn't you? You want them to be safe, | | | | In fact, the part of their brain needed to make a good |
| right? | | | | judgment call about what is really good and bad, and |
| Of course. | | | | not simply guided by the fear of pain and the thought |
| Ready for another question? | | | | of pleasure - the discernment center - won't even |
| This one sounds just as simple as the first. Here goes... | | | | develop until your child is somewhere between the |
| "Why did your child learn the stranger rules?" | | | | ages of... |
| I told you it sounds just as simple. And, if I were a | | | | ...18 and 22! |
| betting man, I would be willing to bet my own baby's | | | | To a young child, a stranger is... |
| college find that your answer was something like: | | | | Ugly -never good looking... |
| "So they'll be safe." | | | | A man - never a women... |
| And I was say... wrong! | | | | Mean - never soft-spoken... |
| Actually, I'd make one of those really loud, raspy, | | | | Dark - clothing, beard, maybe even a mask... |
| buzzer sounds you here on game shows when a | | | | In fact, to a young child, the picture of a bad stranger |
| contestant get the answer wrong! | | | | DOESN'T exist in the real world. |
| Even if you said, "because I made him learn them," | | | | To a young child, the only piece of information he or |
| you'd still only be half right. | | | | she needs to move someone from "stranger" |
| The problem with this whole equation is the fact that a | | | | category to "friend" is... |
| child is not an adult brain in a little body. Your child | | | | THEIR NAME! That's it. |
| doesn't understand a lot of the things you say | | | | And, the scariest part of all this is, there is absolutely |
| because the concepts are just too big and they | | | | nothing that you can do with the way they process |
| haven't had the adult experiences that you have. | | | | information. Their brain simply can't wrap itself around |
| Don't believe me? | | | | the adult concepts. |
| Tell me what electricity is? You're an adult, you know | | | | Change anything about how you'll think about teaching |
| that it runs through wires and fires up your TV or | | | | the stranger rules to your child? |
| other appliance when you plug into it but, what is it? | | | | I hope so. |