| Having worked with parents for the last 35 years and | | | | born through watching our parents and other |
| written books on parenting and relationships, I've | | | | caregivers. The Adult we learn to be is a child-adult, |
| discovered that one of the greatest challenges for us | | | | the part of us that learned many fears and false |
| as parents is to be loving role-models for our children, | | | | beliefs and learned addictive ways, such as using |
| showing our children through our behavior how to take | | | | substances, TV, spending, anger, or compliance to |
| personal responsibility for their own feelings and needs. | | | | avoid pain. A true loving Adult is that part of us that is |
| Our children need to learn from our role-modeling how | | | | spiritually connected to a Higher Source of truth and |
| to nurture themselves within and how to create a | | | | love and is able to bring that truth and love down into |
| sense of safety in the world. In families where both a | | | | the Child and share it with others. The adult many of |
| mother and father are present, both parents can | | | | us operate from most of the time is really a wounded |
| participate in nurturing the child emotionally and taking | | | | child masquerading as an adult. It is our unhealed |
| care of the child in the world, and both parents can | | | | wounded self that causes us problems with ourselves |
| role-model what it looks like to do this for themselves. | | | | and our children. Inner Bonding is a process for healing |
| Single parents have a far greater challenge - they | | | | the wounded self and developing a |
| have to be both mother and father to the child. | | | | spiritually-connected loving Adult. |
| Mothering energy is that energy that nurtures while | | | | In Inner Bonding, there are only two possible intents at |
| fathering energy is that energy that protects in the | | | | any given moment: the intent to learn about love and |
| world - that is, earning money, setting boundaries with | | | | the intent to protect against and avoid pain. The intent |
| others, speaking up for oneself. While our society often | | | | to learn says that we want to learn about our own |
| defines women as the nurturers and men as the | | | | pain in order to understand what we need to do to be |
| protectors, both men and women are capable of both | | | | loving to our Inner Child and others; The intent to |
| nurturing and protecting in the world. | | | | protect says that we want to avoid experiencing our |
| In order for a single parent to successfully be both | | | | pain at all cost. The child-adult is always in the intent to |
| mother and father, he or she must have learned how | | | | protect and the loving Adult is always in the intent to |
| to be both mother and father to the Child within. In | | | | learn. |
| other words, we have to have learned how to nurture | | | | The six-steps of Inner Bonding are: |
| our own Inner Child - how to take responsibility for our | | | | 1. The willingness to become aware of our pain rather |
| own fears, pain, anger, hurt, and disappointment, and | | | | than protect against it with our various addictions. |
| how to take care of our Inner Child in the world - earn | | | | 2. The conscious decision to move into the intent to |
| money, set boundaries, and so on. There is no way to | | | | learn. |
| successfully teach our children these skills until we are | | | | 3. Dialoguing with our wounded self to discover the |
| doing them ourselves, which means that each of us | | | | false beliefs and resulting behavior behind the pain. |
| needs to be in a process of learning how to do this. | | | | Releasing anger and pain in appropriate ways. |
| We have developed a process that teaches us how | | | | 4. Dialoguing with our Higher Power to learn about truth |
| to care for and nurture ourselves, while also loving | | | | and loving behavior. |
| others. This process, called Inner Bonding, teaches us | | | | 5. Taking loving action in behalf or our Inner Child. |
| how to become a loving Adult to our own Inner Child | | | | 6. Evaluating the action. |
| and to our actual children. Inner Bonding is a six-step | | | | All parents needs to be in a process of healing |
| psychospiritual process that can be learned and | | | | themselves. It is particularly important for single parents |
| practiced daily, and that leads to the development of a | | | | to be in this process since they are the primary |
| spiritually-connected loving inner Adult. | | | | role-models for their children. The more you heal the |
| Inner Bonding defines the Inner Child as our core self, | | | | fears and false beliefs of your wounded self, the more |
| who we are when we are born - our natural creativity, | | | | loving you will naturally be with yourself and your |
| intuition, playfulness, imagination, talents, feelings, and | | | | children. Learning to utilize these six step throughout the |
| ability to love. Our Child is our inner experience. Our | | | | day, especially in times of anger, fear, anxiety and |
| Adult is everything we learn after we are born. It is our | | | | stress, will eventually heal the false beliefs leading to |
| thoughts, beliefs, and ability to take action. We start | | | | these difficult feelings. |
| learning how to be an Adult from the moment we are | | | | |