| Family Parenting, Teenagers: One reason for | | | | (Get their answer and get them to see that nobody |
| anti-social and "bad" behaviour in kids and teens is | | | | wants to give something for nothing or for the wrong |
| virtually never covered! Could it all stem from that | | | | good/services.) |
| source? | | | | If you paid for a play-station game but it was not |
| Repeatedly we read about parents who are unable to | | | | working would you want your money back? |
| control their kids or teenagers or about difficult | | | | If you paid for a haircut but then the hairdresser |
| teenagers in general. Frequently the advices given | | | | refused to cut your hair, would this be right? |
| looks at how to control or coax the child into | | | | If you wanted to go to school but the taxi-driver drove |
| cooperation. Sometimes children are so difficult to | | | | you to the doctors, would you want to pay? |
| control they are put on anti-depressants which can | | | | If you joined a football club but all you did was play |
| create life-long dependence. | | | | cards, would you want your money back? |
| The topic isn't new by any means but the violence or | | | | If mum asked you to clean the dishes and you didn't |
| anti-social behaviour exhibited seem to be on the | | | | do it, would it be right for you to ask for more pocket |
| increase. As a parent and Senior parent coach I come | | | | money? |
| across this rather frequently. Working with parents | | | | Again get the child to make his own examples. The |
| coaches and professionals in social services sector | | | | important point to understand here is that nobody |
| we have put together a programme which has a | | | | wants to give money for nothing or is an employer |
| strong indication of making positive inroads, especially | | | | willing to pay for no work done or bad products |
| when started early; age 7 onwards. We also found | | | | produced. |
| that it is a very worthwhile guide for parents who | | | | 3rd step: |
| have toddlers or children who are doing well. | | | | When the above is clear, you get a large piece of |
| The program Xchange has partly been reproduced | | | | paper, A3 is ideal, in a class room or group setting get |
| below and we hope it will help any parent who has | | | | each child with a big piece a paper and large pens. |
| difficulties. If you need any help or have feedback you | | | | Rotate the paper, landscape, and draw on the left, |
| are welcome to contact us. | | | | halfway down, side a sketch of a person, representing |
| The Xchange Programme is divided into 2 sections. | | | | the child, himself, and on the right side of the paper |
| The below educational programme that can be done in | | | | draw a sketch of dad, mum and any other family |
| school or at home and can be applied to children of all | | | | member present. |
| ages. You may have to vary your explanations to the | | | | Here then comes the key question to ask: |
| level of understanding of your child or children or simply | | | | What does dad/mum give to you? When the child has |
| implement the programme's main aim in the daily life of | | | | answered draw an arrow from parent to child and |
| the family. | | | | write down the answer on top of the arrow. |
| Part 1: | | | | Next question: What do you give to your dad/mum? - |
| Xchange has been based on the simple principle of | | | | When the child has answered draw an arrow from |
| our society's foundation. Exchange is the very fabric | | | | himself to the parent and note the answer below the |
| of our society. People who don't exchange are very | | | | arrow. |
| much frowned upon in our society; criminals. | | | | Child/Teen Parent |
| The vast majority of our society is working. We have | | | | Repeat, get him to find as many things as possible. It is |
| to work, contribute, in some form to be able to receive | | | | a good idea to offer him some answers in the |
| the agreed and much valued form of exchange: | | | | beginning. Dad gives you a home to live in, mum makes |
| money. | | | | your food,... |
| There is no employer who is willing to give us money | | | | N.B. It can sometimes be better to separate Mum and |
| for nothing nor is there a store willing to give us goods | | | | Dad or foster parents and do each person individually. |
| for no money. So to make a living we have to primarily | | | | We find somewhere along this 3rd step that he will |
| work or find some form of goods or service that | | | | brighten up, smile or show some realization of whatis |
| people are willing to exchange money with us. In order | | | | happening here. The idea of exchange is grasped. |
| to explain this to a child or teenager we use a specific | | | | N.B. Usually children will name going to school and doing |
| technique that is effective and workable, mere | | | | well at school as contribution to their parents. It is good |
| explanation usually will not be sufficient. We don't want | | | | to point out that this is not quite correct, they go to |
| to lecture but get the child to grasp this fundamental | | | | school for themselves, one day they will need their |
| principle | | | | education to make a living. |
| 1st step: | | | | 4th step: |
| Explain what exchange means: one gives something | | | | Find ways with him of what he could do to contribute |
| for something in return. Make a few examples: Money | | | | a bit more to the family. Get him to contribute actively |
| for grocery goods, Money for holiday, Money for a | | | | on a weekly or daily basis. See the change happening, |
| haircut, Money for play-station game, a teacher | | | | sometimes the transformation is amazing. |
| teaching children and in return receives money, a | | | | Our parent coaches recommend it. We work with |
| taxi-driver driving people to their destination, ... | | | | Parents, teachers/schools and Social Services' |
| Get the child or children to make examples especially | | | | Consultant to improve the parenting skills of parents |
| on jobs for money. When you feel they have grasped | | | | and to help with their children/teenager problems. After |
| it, go to the next step. | | | | all, no matter what is happening in the world our |
| 2nd step: | | | | children and future generations do deserve a fair |
| Let's take the above examples again and ask the | | | | chance. |
| children: | | | | |