| Parenting adolescents is a huge challenge, but with | | | | LET THEM GO Policy: |
| communication, teenage parenting can be made easier | | | | Teenage parenting is is all about you, the parent. Are |
| for you and your child. One of the hardest things in | | | | you ready to let your teen take over this decision that |
| parenting adolescents is communicating in the right | | | | you have been making for him/her? Take some time |
| way, and here are some ways that teenage parenting | | | | to think it through. While it won't be all at once, there will |
| can be made a little less stressful: | | | | be a time when it hits you that you aren't always |
| Empathy & Reassurance - a successful path to | | | | needed for important decisions, or that you may not |
| teenage parenting. | | | | agree with the decision your teen made yet the |
| Your teen may have difficulty identifying what she's | | | | situation worked out fine without you. This can cause |
| feeling. You probably know when she's a bit upset, | | | | some melancholy feelings - and proud feelings too. Ah, |
| tired or irritated. While feelings are natural, you might | | | | the mix emotions of being a parent! You need to |
| have to help your teen articulate them. Asking: "Are | | | | prepare yourself for it. When these thoughts and |
| you a bit upset?" may help you both to identify the | | | | feelings hit, it is important to remember that you are |
| type and the extent of her feelings, and to find | | | | doing a good job and your teenager is lucky to have |
| appropriate responses. Reassure your teen your love | | | | you in his/her life. |
| and support does not depend on exam grades. If your | | | | Verbally spell out the conflict and end with a question: |
| teenagers don't get the grades they expected, help | | | | "What do you think you could do?" or "What are your |
| them to keep it in perspective - everyone has some | | | | options?" Help your teen list a few that he/she may |
| setbacks in life, whether it's failing a driving test or an | | | | not think of, but don't do this task for him/her. |
| exam. They can always do resits. Reassure them | | | | Spelling out the pros and cons will help him/her see the |
| you're behind them 100 percent, and help them to | | | | big picture of each option, thereby helping him/her |
| review all the options. | | | | choose appropriately. Younger teens often have |
| Communication | | | | trouble seeing the big picture, so they may need more |
| Teenage parenting requires effective communication | | | | help than a 17-year-old. But all teens can use their |
| skills. There are things you can do to make | | | | parents as sounding boards. Be available to listen and |
| communication easier:o Take your cue from your | | | | help even after your teen has developed good |
| teenager - there's absolutely no point saying you want | | | | decision-making skills. |
| to talk, when he's rushing to get ready for a night out.o | | | | Hold your tongue just before you're ready to say, "I |
| Try to spend time alone with your teenager and go | | | | think you should..." If your teen is used to you making |
| out somewhere if there aren't any opportunities at | | | | the decisions and isn't getting around to finalizing his |
| home.o Share information about what's going on in | | | | thoughts on the options and choosing one, you may |
| your life, but only for as long as your teen seems | | | | want to ask your teen if he/she is worried about 'being |
| interested.o Use open questions that don't just need a | | | | allowed'. Many times at the teen home I would have a |
| yes or no response. For example, "How did the music | | | | teen talk over all of the options and then wait quietly |
| lesson go?" rather than "Did you have a good day?"o | | | | until I told them what they were allowed to choose. An |
| Don't use a chat as an opportunity to nag or tell off.o | | | | awkward moment or two would follow and then the |
| Never put him down for his views or ideas; he needs | | | | teen would realize that I wasn't going to do the |
| your approval.o Treat your teenager with respect, | | | | choosing and say, "Oh, you want me to choose. I didn't |
| much as you would another adult.o It's better to | | | | know I was allowed." So, this is simply solved by |
| negotiate a solution than enforce your demands, so | | | | verbally giving permission. |
| don't say, "I want your room cleaned up tonight," but | | | | While you shouldn't act like this is a business meeting, |
| "I'm getting really upset at the state of your room. | | | | do talk to your teen about what happened, even if the |
| When do you think you can tidy it up?"o Use all the | | | | outcome wasn't what was hoped for. Discuss what |
| opportunities you can to communicate - for example, | | | | he/she might do differently the next time and do not |
| driving somewhere often leads to great | | | | be judgmental. Give your teen positive feedback and |
| conversations.o Show you're genuinely interested | | | | tell him/her that you are proud that he/she took on this |
| when your teenager tells you things and stop what | | | | challenging decision. This will help you and your teen |
| you're doing to listen.o Don't overreact or fly off the | | | | work through important decisions in his/her life. This will |
| handle if you don't like what you hear. | | | | add to his/her self-confidence and maturity. |
| Teenage parenting is fraught with dealing with difficult | | | | It is difficult to remember that our parents had the |
| issues like, such as bad grades or worries about risky | | | | same problems parenting adolescents as we do |
| behaviour. It's even more important to find a time when | | | | today, but they did. If you manage to communicate |
| there are no external pressures and you're feeling | | | | with your teenager you are doing really well. Try and |
| calm. Using "I" statements always helps. Say, "I'm | | | | think about ways you can talk to your teenager - are |
| worried about the way your school work is slipping," | | | | there activities you can do together? Think about what |
| not "You're doing really badly in school." Explain your | | | | you say to them - try and see things through their |
| concerns calmly and listen carefully to his side of the | | | | eyes. Think about how you react - keep calm. Bear |
| story. It's fine to stress what you believe in and to be | | | | these three things in mind and teenage parenting may |
| clear if there are any aspects of his behaviour you | | | | just get a little less fraught. |
| want him to change. | | | | |