| There's one thing we see in families more and more | | | | say when they were still an infant or toddler (below |
| these days. Actually, it's been around for most of the | | | | school age), you might have had the history and the |
| last half century, so it's quite the norm - it is blended | | | | time to develop such a love. |
| families. I don't think there is one step parent, or step | | | | One day at a time, work on gaining their trust and |
| son or step daughter out there that thinks it's a perfect | | | | respect. This doesn't make you inferior to them; it |
| situation. The reality is it's far from perfect and requires | | | | makes you their ally and advocate, someone they can |
| quite a bit of work and commitment to get it to work, | | | | rely upon in their hour of need. Gaining their trust and |
| and then even more work to keep it going. | | | | respect also means you diffuse any issue they might |
| So, when you find yourself in the situation of being a | | | | possibly have with you and they'll see you as no |
| step parent, what's going to work in building a | | | | threat. If you love your step child's mum or dad, the |
| relationship with your partner's children? Well, that | | | | only other barrier is how you treat the child themself or |
| depends on a number of factors. This is not the | | | | one of their siblings. Trust and respect go a long way |
| subject of this article - dealing with all those many | | | | in building loving relationships. Trust and respect are |
| factors. | | | | key risk management tools for relationships. |
| I would like to share with you one thing I learned | | | | Remember, trust and respect don't work without love. |
| recently that makes a whole deal of sense and | | | | Some short tips: |
| actually works. | | | | Don't pressure your step child to call you "Mum" or |
| It involves the step parent not "becoming" Mum or Dad | | | | "Dad"; |
| to the step son or daughter, but simply being their | | | | Offer the friendship unconditionally, after all love is |
| friend; being someone who is not intrusive, and who is | | | | unconditional; |
| able to nurture and build upon trust, creating an | | | | Be patient and forgive well and whenever required. It |
| environment of mutual respect - this is friendship, in one | | | | starts with you. You can model the right attitude and |
| short word. | | | | behaviour; |
| Some might say, "How can I be a friend with a kid, or | | | | Find ways you can spend time and ways you can |
| a teenager?" For some, this doesn't compute. I want to | | | | help them, whether that be playing sport with them, |
| suggest that if you want success in your relationship | | | | chatting, or assisting with homework. |
| with your partner, then investing positive time and | | | | Are you putting the sort of time, effort and |
| effort into their children is a very good idea. Befriending | | | | commitment in to building a loving relationship with your |
| them is a low-risk and sure-fire way of achieving | | | | step child? Are you at peace that you're doing all you |
| success. Kids can smell a liar from a mile off, so do it | | | | can to get you both there? It's not too late if the |
| in the most genuine, sincere and loving way you can. | | | | answer is 'no' to both these questions. When you get it |
| Put a lot of thought and consideration into it, and seek | | | | wrong, courageously say sorry and start over. |
| counsel and support from your partner. | | | | Lastly, it's so important to support your partner in the |
| Love can't be forced. You cannot just instantly "love" | | | | parenting task of their children. Though discipline for the |
| them; it doesn't work like that. You can't expect too | | | | children should be your partner's responsibility (as the |
| much from yourself as far as having an intrinsic love | | | | intrinsically trusted parent), you can be a listening ear, |
| toward your step child; and your partner can't either | | | | and quiet supporter. By support I mean, help them to |
| expect too much either. It would be downright unfair to | | | | do their job as a sole parent. At times this means |
| expect a child or teen to suddenly love a step parent. | | | | putting your own needs on the backburner. |
| This sort of love takes years. Possibly, if you've come | | | | Being a friend to a child is knowing the blessing of God. |
| into the relationship early enough in your step child's life, | | | | |