| Step parenting is hard! It can be confusing just trying to | | | | they have to say or in their interests. |
| figure out what it is that you are supposed to be doing. | | | | A mentor or friend is not a disciplinarian. That's their |
| Even though step families are quickly becoming the | | | | parent's job - NOT yours. You may follow through on |
| most common type of family unit, the step parent is a | | | | the consequences of the rules their parent laid down. |
| fairly unknown role for people. While it all may seem | | | | For example if their parent has to leave and they've |
| very confusing, it doesn't have to be. | | | | been told they have to finish their homework before |
| All you really need to focus on is: attempting to | | | | watching TV. If you are then left in charge of the kids |
| achieve a relationship with your step children where | | | | and they attempt to watch TV before homework's |
| you are viewed as a mentor or friend. If over time, | | | | done, you can remind them what their parent said. If |
| your relationship becomes more - great, but it doesn't | | | | they ignore this, remind them that you'll be forced to let |
| have to. Let's look at why your goal should be as | | | | their parent know they disobeyed. It's not your job to |
| mentor or friend. | | | | "force" them to do the homework before the TV. That |
| A mentor or friend offers advice, but doesn't push their | | | | sets you up for a huge power struggle and fight. Let |
| views. You can just be present and offer another | | | | their parent dole out the consequence when they get |
| point of view. They can choose to accept it or leave it. | | | | home. |
| Since you are not their "parent", it's not your job to | | | | Being able to rely on your spouse to step up and |
| make sure they accept your views. Leave that up to | | | | follow through on that discipline is essential. You need |
| your spouse. | | | | to trust that if the kids are rudely ignoring you or |
| A mentor or friend relationships involves respect from | | | | demonstrating other types of disrespect, your spouse |
| both parties. If you focus on cultivating this type of | | | | will stick up for you. They are the ones who have the |
| relationship, then respect will naturally flow out of it. | | | | power with the kids and can get them to comply, YOU |
| Demanding respect only gets you the opposite. Try to | | | | do not. |
| show them respect first by being interested in what | | | | |