| As a parent, you have so little time. Exhaustion has | | | | humility that it is. After all, this is the one job that has no |
| become a way of life; it has been so long since you | | | | rule book, no guarantees, no simple answers, and yet |
| have known any different. If you have a newborn or a | | | | we are supposed to pretend that we have no |
| toddler, tasks that used to take minutes can now take | | | | questions, fears, or ambivalent feelings. In this series of |
| hours. And with school aged children, you have | | | | articles, I will be providing you with reviews of some of |
| become nothing short of an administrative assistant in | | | | the most popular parenting books on the market: |
| addition to your usual parenting role: you continue to | | | | Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, 1-2-3 Magic by |
| keep track of the doctor and dentist appointments, and | | | | Dr. Thomas Phelan, Parenting with Love and Logic by |
| now you have added swimming lessons, baseball | | | | Foster W., Cline, MD and Jim Fay, Ph.D. and |
| practice, and piano lessons to the mix. And, what | | | | Screamfree Parenting by Hal Runkel. My hope is that |
| happened to the romance in your marriage or | | | | these reviews will help you get a sense for each |
| partnership? | | | | approach and assist you with choosing which is best |
| So, in the midst of all of this, how do you know which | | | | for you and your family. Just a few tips to consider |
| parenting book to read to help you deal with the | | | | when choosing a parenting or discipline approach: |
| tantrums, the whining, the sibling rivalry, and the overall, | | | | |
| "How do I know that I am not messing up my child?!" In | | | | 1. Keep the end in mind: What kind of relationship would |
| my work with children and their families, I often hear | | | | you and your co-parent like to have with your child. |
| parents express feelings of guilt and inadequacy | | | | Imagine your ideal interactions. This will help guide you in |
| surrounding their parenting-whether their child is | | | | choosing an approach. |
| struggling with a learning difference, anxiety, parental | | | | 2. Consider your values: What strategies have you |
| separation or divorce, or making friends. No matter the | | | | and your co-parent been using thus far, if any? When |
| situation, parents almost always find ways to blame | | | | you are feeling pleased with your child, think about |
| themselves: "When I was his age, I was painfully shy | | | | these strategies and examine how you feel about |
| and had trouble making friends. He must have gotten it | | | | using them then. It's easier to justify cruel punishment |
| from me," or "Even though her mother and I fought all | | | | (from the silent treatment to yelling) when we are |
| of the time when we were married, I still feel guilty | | | | angry. |
| about putting our daughter through a divorce." Guilt is | | | | 3. Consider your experiences: What did your parents |
| rarely ever a helpful platform for making parenting | | | | and your partner's parents' use while each of you was |
| decisions. Parenting is the one job in which society tells | | | | growing up? Which of those strategies would you like |
| us that it's not OK to admit, "I don't know, and I am | | | | to keep or discard? Why? |
| scared." | | | | So, you do not need to feel overwhelmed about which |
| As a society, we are led to believe that asking for help | | | | parenting book to choose. There is help out there, and |
| is a sign of weakness, not the sign of courage and | | | | you do not even need to ask for it! |