| Being a single parent inherently comes with challenges. | | | | teenager on a regular basis. Help them to see that you |
| As a counselor, often single parents ask what | | | | are available to them, and concerned about any needs |
| mistakes they need to avoid when parenting their | | | | they may have. |
| teenager. Many single parents are concerned about | | | | Mistake 5: Continue fighting with your former spouse |
| any consequences of their divorce that could | | | | If a marital relationship has been turbulent, then many |
| negatively affect their teenager. Here are some | | | | teenagers anticipate a divorce will bring about a much |
| common mistakes to avoid: | | | | needed sense of peace. However, if conflict continues |
| Mistake 1: Lying to them | | | | after divorce has been finalized then your teenager |
| Honesty is always best, especially when parenting | | | | may experience some emotional difficulty adjusting to |
| teenagers. First, today's teenagers are quite savvy | | | | the divorce. As much as you are able, try to keep any |
| and know when they are being conned. Also, | | | | discussions with your former spouse cordial and |
| dishonesty only destroys trust, which is something that | | | | focused on your teenager. |
| is needed most during this transitional time. | | | | Mistake 6: Don't get them any outside help |
| Mistake 2: Avoiding discipline | | | | Divorce can affect teenagers in many different ways. |
| Wherever there is a lack of any discipline, there is | | | | Some may open up emotionally and sharing their |
| manipulation. provides this definition of discipline, | | | | feelings freely. However, others may withdraw from |
| "Training expected to produce a specific character or | | | | family and friends and become reclusive. Others may |
| pattern of behavior, especially training that produces | | | | enter into some behavioral problems that may have |
| moral or mental improvement." Notice the emphasis on | | | | not been there before. If you have any concerns |
| improved character rather than punishment. | | | | about how your teenager is recovering from the |
| Mistake 3: Eliminate any structure or routine | | | | divorce then I encourage you to seek out a qualified |
| Divorce is a transitional time for everyone involved. | | | | professional counselor. |
| Each person's routine is adversely affected. A | | | | Mistake 7: Assuming nothing is wrong |
| structured home environment filled with routines and | | | | Another common parenting mistake is to assume that |
| chores provides a sense of order and ownership. This | | | | your teenager has been completely untouched by the |
| is beneficial particularly if there is chaos resulting from | | | | divorce. There lives seem undisturbed as if the divorce |
| the divorce. | | | | is a minor incident in the tapestry of their lives. And this |
| Mistake 4: Forget about them | | | | is true for many teenagers. However, there are others |
| As a single parent, you are forced to wear many hats | | | | that will give the appearance that all is well, when in |
| and fill many different roles - often simultaneously. In | | | | fact the opposite is the case. They may do this to |
| addition, you are in the midst of trying to provide a | | | | save face for them, or they can react this way to |
| stable home environment, work full time, and recover | | | | give their parents one less thing to worry about. |
| from the emotional adjustment of a being a single | | | | Communicate with your teenager on an ongoing basis |
| parent. In the midst of this, I encourage you to find | | | | about his/her feelings about their new life and its |
| some time to be intentional on spending time with your | | | | challenges. |