Raising Children - Is Parental Influence Important?

Parenting does not come naturally to everybody. It is a'sensitivity to or-ordination of movement', 'sensitivity to
learning process with lots of struggles and hair-pullinglanguage' and sensitivity to social aspect of life'. All
along the way. Of course, there will be lots of joy asthese different periods will take place at different point
well when you watch your child grow up healthily andof the child's life and thus it is important for the adult to
happily. During the times when your older child refusesobserve the child carefully to find out what interest and
to listen to you or talks back to you, do you wonder ifstimulates him at each particular period in order to
your child was under the bad influence of his peers?teach him as the child "must be observed rather than
Or could it be parental influence actually? Have youanalyzed". (Secret of Childhood, p.7)
ever argued with your spouse over trivial issues inThe child can be first discovered to be sensitive to
front of your young children? When your child refusesorder even at a very young age. As the young child
to read, did you stop to ask yourself do you read withdoes not have a good memory, he remembers by
them at night from young? Or was the televisionabsorbing the things around him. So, he needs to
turned on full blast while shouting to your children to'memorize' his environment to help him find his way
complete their homework? This article will look at thearound and to get familiar with the place. Thus, should
importance of parental influence through Mariathere be any slight changes to what is normally done,
Montessori's point of view.the child will be able to identify it right away and will get
Montessori believed that every child has the ability tovery upset by the change. I personally have such an
incarnate or self-construct. This is necessary in orderexperience with my son when he was around six
for the child to grow and develop normally and healthily.months old. I had hung a napkin above his head to
Man differs from animals in that we have to developblock out excessive light and to prevent the
our human intelligence first, so the natural instincts thatair-conditioner from blowing at him directly. However,
are present in animals do not show themselveswhen he woke up in the middle of the night, he started
immediately in a child. The child has to go through thecrying incessantly which is something very unusual of
sensitive periods in order to allow for the developmenthim. I tried a few different attempts to pacify him such
of his personality as Montessori has written in her bookas giving him the pacifier, singing to him and patting him
that "the child has a special, unique capacity forbut nothing worked. As a final resort, I removed the
profiting ... in order to grow, for it is during the sensitivenapkin which was the only new addition to his
period that he acquires certain psychological faculties,environment and immediately, he stopped crying and
like that of orienting himself in his outer environment,fell asleep again!
and becomes able to bring his motor organs to life in allAs a child does not have any experience of the world
their intimate and delicate particulars". (Secret ofaround him, he needs to learn about his surrounding
Childhood, p.39)through his five senses. By touching the different
It is during this period, when the child is young, that hematerials and objects around him, the child gets to
will absorb everything that is happening around him.explore and this will help to develop his neurological
Therefore, if the parents are constantly arguing, or usesystem. As such, it is the adults' responsibility to
vulgarities unknowing in front of the child, he will absorbprovide a safe environment and lots of
it in his unconscious mind. When the time is 'ripe', thisencouragement for the child to build up his confidence
piece of knowledge that is in him will surface and whatand desire to explore. The child must have lots of
he says, how he behaves are actually clear reflectionssuitable objects around him in which he can hear, see,
of his parents' behaviour before him each day.touch, taste and smell. If the parents are not open to
It is a misconception to believe that a child is simply annew things such as trying out new food or show their
empty being, incapable of doing anything for himself ordislike at classical music, the child will also not develop
of leaning things on his own. To best teach the child, itan interest in these areas.
is important for parents to understand that a child willA child will start to talk very early in his life, around the
go through several different sensitive periods and suchage of 1.5 years. During this period, he will astonish the
sensitive periods are important because during eachadults with his ability in uttering the sounds that he had
period, only that particular characteristic is developed,heard. From birth to now, the child has been
and not others as the "child (is) sensitive only towardsinternalizing all the human sounds that he heard all
certain things, leaving him indifferent towards others".around him and now, he will start to imitate the
(Secret of Childhood, p.39) In fact, this period willspeaking sounds. In fact, a child will start to make
disappear once the skill is learnt as "everysounds like that of syllabus very early in life but the
characteristic is established by the help of an impulse,pronunciation will be much clearly during this sensitive to
of a transient sensibility which lasts over a limitedlanguage period. Thus, it does not mean that so long
period". (Secret of Childhood, p.36) Therefore, if theas 'perfect language' is used before the child when he
child was unable to learn that particular skill during theis learning to talk, he will not pick up any 'imperfect
relevant sensitive period, he will lose his chance oflanguage'. The parents must also be careful what is
ever learning it naturally. He might be able to pick it upsaid or done when the child is young as such
much later in life but it will be at the expanse of aunacceptable words will be uttered by the child when
great struggle.he can talk as he would have absorbed them when
Montessori mentioned that a child goes through sixhe was much younger. Thus, parents - beware of
sensitive periods namely, 'sensitivity to order', 'learningwhat you say or do in front of your infants! Parental
through their five senses', 'sensitivity to small objects',influence is definitely the greatest in a child's life!