| If you have a fifteen-to-seventeen year old walking | | | | the world of a teenager. Except now, the demand is |
| around your house you have a Chef-in-the-Making in | | | | for the car keys, to go a party or to be able to take |
| residence. Your child is diligently selecting the | | | | part in an activity which pushes you beyond your |
| ingredients which will serve as the basic recipe for their | | | | comfort zone. |
| personality throughout adulthood. Sure, they will spice it | | | | Do not be afraid to say NO to your teenager. I repeat, |
| up with different experiences and expressions of the | | | | do not be afraid to say NO! And do not get caught up |
| person they will be, but the basic ingredients are being | | | | in wanting to be liked. First and foremost you are your |
| selected before your very eyes. Some of their | | | | child's parent, not your child's friend. They are looking to |
| "flavors of the week" might be pungent to you, others | | | | you to be strong enough to stand up to them and to |
| will be appealing. The more neutral you are the more | | | | not be afraid of their ambivalence and antagonistic |
| you support your child's being able to pick and choose | | | | demeanor. They are preparing themselves for the |
| for him or herself. The more reactive you find yourself | | | | adult world and you are their first litmus test. If they |
| the more you will invite rebellion. | | | | can bull you over with their aggression they will |
| Now some rebellion at this stage of development is in | | | | assume they will be able to the same with any adult |
| order. I often tell parents if their child is not getting into a | | | | they encounter in adulthood. Adolescents do not want |
| little trouble at this stage they are not doing their job as | | | | to feel stronger than their parents. They want to know |
| a teenager, because the more they rebel the more | | | | you still care enough to stand up for what is best even |
| they are breaking away. But you can be in charge of | | | | if they do not agree with you. Your position gives them |
| the context of their rebellion by the battles in which | | | | a solid platform from which they can launch. It is not |
| you choose to engage. The rule of thumb is when | | | | about being right or wrong it is about providing a base |
| your adolescent is acting like an adult you treat him or | | | | from which they can launch and define themselves. |
| her like an adult, but when he or she regresses in a | | | | So prepare for battle, keep breathing and enjoy those |
| child-like manner he or she is seeking that boundary | | | | rare moments when that budding adult within the |
| and the more you respond the safer your adolescent | | | | adolescent who stands before you comes out to |
| will feel. | | | | share a cappuccino or a hot bowl of soup on a crisp |
| One disconcerting (and sometimes aggravating) fact | | | | fall evening. You are participating in this new creation. |
| about this stage is that you never know what your | | | | You are their first audience. You are important to the |
| adolescent is going to be asking for when. One minute | | | | success of this stage. Remember that and remember |
| you can be engaged in a very mature conversation | | | | to be good to you and that this too shall pass! |
| with your son or daughter and the very next moment | | | | Article originally printed in the November 2007 issue of |
| something snaps and you see a re-visitation of the old | | | | The Ascending Circle Network: Your Guide to Raising |
| toddler tantrum taking place right before you. "I want | | | | Happy, Healthy & Emotionally Stable Children. |
| what I want when I want it" is the chant heard around | | | | |