| How many times have you told someone, "I've tried | | | | · Irritability |
| everything -- and nothing works with this kid?" Are you | | | | · Intense sadness or tears when a memory is |
| extremely frustrated with your kid's behavior? Does it | | | | triggered |
| seem to be getting worse? Has it been bad for a long | | | | · Loneliness, or a sense of separateness from |
| time? Have you tried your best to come up with | | | | your kid |
| solutions to the problems, but without the success you | | | | · Numbness |
| hoped for? If so, you're probably feeling angry, hurt, | | | | Helping Yourself Through The Parenting Struggles- |
| hopeless and helpless. You may even want someone | | | | Here are some of the things parents can do to deal |
| else to take a shot at controlling your kid (e.g., juvenile | | | | effectively with their stress as it relates to parenting |
| probation, the cops). | | | | ODD children: |
| When we, as parents, begin to feel as though we are | | | | · Expect and accept some reduction in your |
| losing our grip on our children, we often tell ourselves | | | | usual efficiency and consistency. |
| things like: | | | | · Try to avoid taking on new responsibilities or |
| · Surely my child is just going through some | | | | making major life decisions for a time. |
| kind of phase. | | | | · Talk regularly about your parenting struggles |
| · Why me? What did I do to deserve this | | | | with someone you trust. |
| abuse? | | | | · Accept help and support when offered. |
| · If he doesn't want to listen, he can pack his | | | | · BREATHE, RELAX, SLOW DOWN, BE |
| stuff and get out! | | | | EXPRESSIVE, LAUGH !! |
| · I can't trust her anymore. She steals from me | | | | · Be particularly attentive to maintaining healthy |
| ...she lies to me. | | | | eating and sleeping patterns. |
| · Maybe he should go live with his father. | | | | · Keep reminding yourself that your responses |
| · If I threaten to get the cops or probation | | | | are normal responses to a stressful situation. Give |
| involved, she'll shape up. | | | | yourself permission to do whatever you need to do to |
| · I really have failed as a parent. It's probably | | | | take care of yourself. Your body and mind will tell you |
| my fault. | | | | what you need to do--your job is to listen to them. |
| · I give up! I'm in a hopeless situation with this | | | | · Get plenty of rest when you're tired, and use |
| kid. | | | | the energy you have if you experience hyperactivity |
| These are the stages that a parent of an | | | | at times. |
| out-of-control kid goes though: | | | | · Have moments of prayer and meditation. |
| 1. Denial - Trying to convince yourself that the problem | | | | · Make a rule that you will take 10, 20, even 30 |
| is not as bad as it appears. | | | | minutes a day and shut out the world. Close the |
| 2. Anger - Feeling hurt by, or even afraid of, your child's | | | | bedroom door, take a bath, take a walk ...just have that |
| behavior. | | | | time to yourself. Tell the kids Mom is not to be |
| 3. Bargaining - Trying your best to come up with a | | | | disturbed unless someone is bleeding or something is |
| solution with little or no success. | | | | on fire ...then enforce the rule! |
| 4. Depression - Feeling helpless, hopeless, and a sense | | | | · Don't force yourself to be active if you don't |
| of loss; possibly becoming angry with yourself; letting | | | | have the energy. |
| others take a shot at controlling your kid. | | | | · Do things that feel good to you (e.g., take |
| 5. Acceptance - When you stop blaming your child | | | | baths, read, exercise, watch television, spend time with |
| AND yourself for past problems and simply go about | | | | friends, fix yourself a special treat, or whatever else |
| the business of using new, "non-traditional" parenting | | | | feels nurturing and self-caring). |
| strategies to use with your "non-traditional" child. | | | | · Allow yourself to cry, rage, and express your |
| These are the symptoms parents can expect to | | | | feelings when you need to. Try not to numb your |
| experience when dealing with an oppositional, defiant | | | | feelings with alcohol or drugs. This will only complicate |
| child: | | | | your situation. |
| · Difficulty concentrating | | | | Lastly, keep in mind that it's ok not to be perfect. Many |
| · Apathy | | | | of us hold ourselves up to a level of perfection that |
| · Anger | | | | merely hurts our ability to be a good parent. Not |
| · Guilt ("If only I had done . . .") | | | | allowing ourselves any "down time" simply causes |
| · Shame ("I'm not a very good parent.") | | | | stress to pile up in our lives and prevents us from |
| · Sleep disturbances | | | | enjoying parenthood. Lighten up. It's ok not to be |
| · Loss of appetite | | | | perfect! |
| · Increased cravings for junk food | | | | You simply must take care of yourself in ways you |
| · Withdrawal from others | | | | wouldn't have to if you didn't have such a difficult child. |