| Why is the subject of upbringing considered to be one | | | | parents as if their children are guilty. Where in fact the |
| of the most difficult tasks? Three parts are involved in | | | | reason of disappointment is that parents were looking |
| upbringing: the parent, the child, and the relationship | | | | in the wrong place. |
| between them. When parenting books address | | | | Parenting is complex. This is something that authors |
| parents they usually describe to parents peculiarities of | | | | tend to avoid because parents want quick fixes. |
| a child's development, and tips to improve the | | | | However instant gratification does not work in the long |
| relationship between them. But advice from those | | | | term. |
| books may not work because one variable is left out: | | | | What knowledge about parents is left out in most |
| knowledge about the parent. | | | | parenting books? Here is an example. Parents have |
| "What kind of knowledge is it," you may ask, "I know all | | | | their image of an ideal child and very often this image |
| about myself!" Yes and no. Yes, because you know | | | | doesn't fit with the image of the actual child. This |
| your strengths and weaknesses as a parent. No, | | | | incongruence leads to confusion. The way to avoid this |
| because you probably didn't think of the goals of | | | | is to change the ideal image to fit your real child |
| upbringing, of your beliefs about your child, and many | | | | according to your long term parental goals. Parenting |
| other things, without which you couldn't understand | | | | faith is the most important quality of parents for a |
| why some advice worked and some didn't. | | | | happy and long lasting relationship with children. What |
| This approach is commonplace, wherein "something | | | | do you know about parenting faith and goals of |
| works for me, and something doesn't." So parents go | | | | upbringing? The authors of parenting books assume |
| and look and look for tips and advice and test them on | | | | that you know about this things. Therefore they don't |
| their children, at the expense of their children's | | | | address it. |
| relationship with them. This results in disappointed | | | | |