| When You Are Stuck In "The Parenting Hole" | | | | that if we are guided by that love, that somehow or |
| Have you ever gotten to the point where you wonder | | | | other, it will be enough, we will be enough, to raise that |
| if it was all worth it? Where your frustration and stress | | | | child to become a decent person. |
| and hopelessness reach the point where you look at | | | | When you are in "The parenting hole" it is hard to |
| the child you are working so hard to raise, and wonder | | | | remember your faith. And, the thing about faith is that it |
| if you can do it? Where you are practically ready to | | | | is a long term proposition, a big picture way of thinking. |
| wash your hands of them or run away from home | | | | In a science experiment, you do x and expect y as a |
| and join the circus? Where you feel like the whole | | | | result. In parenting and in faith, you do x, y, z throw in |
| darned thing has been a complete waste of time and | | | | some a, b, & c and then you wait. You hope, you |
| that nothing you do, or have ever done, or ever will do, | | | | try, you tweek things, learn things, try some new things. |
| will make the slightest difference, or have the slightest | | | | You work on yourself, your child, your spirit, your |
| impact on who they become? | | | | knowledge, your weaknesses. You do it all. But result y |
| I call that place "The parenting hole", and if you've ever | | | | doesn't necessarily come right away. You have to |
| been there, you know how scary it can be. It is dark, it | | | | wait to see how it will all turn out. |
| is lonely and it is terrifying. | | | | My mother used to tell me that she did the best she |
| Parenting, once you're in it, simply isn't optional. I have | | | | could with us kids, and she knew that she had made |
| coached married couples considering divorce, and the | | | | mistakes with us. But, she told me, everything she did, |
| truth is, that your spouse is optional - you can leave if | | | | she did with love and she had always believed that the |
| you really really want to. But you cannot leave your | | | | love would make up for the mistakes; that love was |
| kids. Somehow or another, you have to find a way to | | | | bigger and stronger than all of the parenting techniques |
| make it work; to find a place of living peacefully and | | | | in the world. |
| respectfully at least until they are 18. | | | | So if you are in "The parenting hole" right now, I wish |
| When you are in "The parenting hole" it is hard to find | | | | you faith and I wish you a long term focus. Keep trying, |
| the strength within yourself to create that peace, to | | | | keep working on yourself and on your child and |
| seek and find a way to live in that place of mutual | | | | remember to look at your journey in the grander |
| respect. It is hard to find your better self and it can | | | | scheme of things. Your child may not be perfect. He |
| even be hard to find your love. So what do you do | | | | may not even be nice to be around right now. You |
| then? | | | | may not be the perfect parent. But in the long run, in |
| When all of your usual parental fallbacks fail you or | | | | the big picture, just by reading this article and struggling |
| you can't seem to find your way to them, there is that | | | | and trying and learning you are bringing them that |
| little voice of faith that calls out to us. Becoming a | | | | much closer to becoming the adult you hope them to |
| parent is a leap of faith. We embark on the whole | | | | be. Love and faith may be airy fairy concepts and |
| thing not really knowing what we are doing or how we | | | | they may not be enough to raise a child but they may |
| will learn what we need to know. We feel that we | | | | be just what you need to fuel you on when the going |
| have something to share, something to offer and love | | | | gets tough. So, find your love, and find your faith and |
| to give to another human being. And we have faith | | | | let them be your ladder out of "The parenting hole". |