| I have three teenagers and I have made all these | | | | They will end up bottling their feelings. You may not |
| mistakes. My eldest daughter does not want to tell me | | | | realised that you are raising angry children. |
| where she goes. I have to call her cell phone and drive | | | | Solution: Let your teenagers complete their sentences. |
| around like a detective to figure out where she might | | | | Become aware of whether you are thinking of giving |
| have been. It was like a nightmare. I cannot get my son | | | | them solutions or listening to them completely. When |
| to stop playing computer even when his O-level | | | | they feel listened to, they get the feeling that they are |
| examination is less than two months' away. My | | | | important to you. They feel respected. |
| relationship and communication is thrown out of the | | | | Mistake No. 3 - Using the word 'Should' - 'Should' is a |
| window. | | | | word that makes your teenagers feel that they have |
| These are the mistakes I made. Listening to other | | | | to do things that you like and may not be what they |
| parents with teenagers I realised these are the most | | | | like. The obedient ones may end up doing it to please |
| common mistakes many parents with teenagers | | | | you. You may get obedient children but frustrated later |
| made. I learnt the hard way. | | | | in life, if that is not what they really want in their lives. |
| The Five Most Common Mistakes in Parenting | | | | Frustrated teenagers become angry adults. |
| Teenagers: | | | | Mistake No. 4 - Protective Parents - If you find |
| Mistake No. 1 - You don't listen to your teenagers - I | | | | yourself cushioning your teenagers every move to |
| know it sounds silly, but many parents talk to their | | | | protect them from being hurt, they learn fear. Fear |
| teenagers but they don't listen to them. Either they are | | | | stops them from making a choice to step up and |
| too busy and in a hurry or they don't make time to | | | | make decisions. |
| listen. | | | | Solution: Provide options - Allow your teenagers to |
| Solution: Listen to your teenagers, make time just to | | | | make decisions. Talk to them about the various options |
| listen to them, put your newspaper down or stop what | | | | and explain to them the possible consequences or |
| you are doing. Putting aside time for them becomes a | | | | outcome. They learn the way to make decisions in the |
| habit and each time they have something to share | | | | future. |
| with you, they know you are willing to listen. They may | | | | Mistake No. 5 - Criticising your Teenagers - That could |
| just want someone to listen and not necessary want | | | | also mean you don't respect them and that could |
| a solution. | | | | escalate into feelings that you don't trust them. When |
| Mistake No. 2 - Busy Parents -If you find yourself | | | | they don't feel trusted, they lose confidence in |
| completing what your teenagers say because you | | | | themselves. They may end up avoiding you. |
| assume you know what your teenagers want to say. | | | | Solution: Catch them doing things right and |
| They will feel that you are making a lot of | | | | acknowledge them. What you focus expand. They |
| assumptions. Hurried parents will experience hurried | | | | feel respected, appreciated and will tend to behave |
| teenagers. Your teenagers will not feel listened to. | | | | even better to get more of your acknowledgments. |