| What every teenager would like to have is a credit | | | | month, once a quarter. It really doesn't matter how |
| card without limits, a new car, the newest look, and an | | | | often, just make it happen. Go camping over the |
| iPod that can hold 50 million songs. Of course, we | | | | weekend. Go to a ball game. Go to the lake. The list is |
| grown-ups have been around long enough to know | | | | endless. Get input from everyone and be creative. If |
| that you don't always get what you want. There is a | | | | you live in the city, take a trip to the country. If you live |
| need however, that stirs in the heart of every young | | | | in the country, take a trip to the city. It doesn't have to |
| person. That need is a relationship with "you" the | | | | be expensive, just make it fun. Don't be in a hurry. The |
| parent. It is true, they may not want it, but it still remains | | | | key is to connect relationally, nothing else. Don't set an |
| one their most important needs. | | | | agenda that's going to stress everyone out. Just have |
| We've all heard about the "generational gap" thing, and | | | | a good time as a family. |
| too often have used that as an excuse to not bother | | | | How about doing some volunteer work together as a |
| trying to connect with today's teenager. Don't get me | | | | family? There are countless numbers of opportunities |
| wrong there is a gap. A big one. They have their little | | | | to serve in and around your community. Volunteer at a |
| world and we have ours. And so many times, we | | | | soup kitchen, at the hospital, or at a senior citizens |
| aren't welcome in theirs and they aren't welcome in | | | | home. Or, how about as a family, adopting an elderly |
| ours. They listen to music we can't stand, and we listen | | | | couple and helping them around the home with yard |
| to music they can't stand. They wear clothes we | | | | work, house cleaning etc. Again, the list is endless, and |
| would never wear and we wear clothes they would | | | | one of the most important things you can teach your |
| never wear. They have a language with terms we | | | | young person is to live life outside of themselves. |
| don't understand and we say things that to them, | | | | If you have more than one child, make sure you as a |
| seem so outdated. The differences go on and on and | | | | parent spend some quality one-on-one time with each |
| on and le'ts face it, it is so much easier to just not | | | | of them. Dad's take your daughter's on dates and |
| understand each other than it is to put forth an effort | | | | treat them like a princess. I mean, treat them as though |
| to try and understand. | | | | they are the most beautiful, most precious young lady |
| I assure you, the effort is worth it. Your teenager is | | | | on the planet. Give them an example of what they are |
| worth it! Connecting with your teen will take some | | | | to look for someday in the man they are going to |
| work, but the rewards are priceless. It my require you | | | | marry. Help them to set that standard so high, that no |
| to make some major adjustments to your routine. It | | | | loser will ever catch their eye. As for your sons, hang |
| may take some radical changes in the culture of your | | | | with them. Go fishing or hunting. Go play paintball |
| home. Don't be afraid to initiate the changes necessary | | | | together. Play video games with them. Do guy stuff |
| to connect relationally with your teen. | | | | together and talk about guy stuff. |
| Ok, so you're thinking what changes need to be made. | | | | Mom's plan a day to go shopping with your daughters |
| Let me give you some helpful tips. Are you a family | | | | or plan a day to bake together. Don't like to bake or |
| that seldom sits down for dinner together? If so, try to | | | | shop? Then, find something that you enjoy doing |
| make it a point to eat one meal a day together. Use | | | | together and do it. I'm not a mom, or a daughter so, to |
| this as a time to talk. Sure it may be awkward if you | | | | be honest, I don't have a clue. Maybe just go to lunch |
| haven't made this a practice in several years, but fight | | | | and have intimate conversation with one another. How |
| through the awkwardness. If you just can not make it | | | | about getting a manicure and pedicure? Whatever you |
| happen every night, set aside at least one night a | | | | do, make sure you connect with one another. And |
| week where you eat together as a family. Set it in | | | | when it comes to connecting with your son, try to |
| stone and make it happen. If you had a meeting set | | | | keep in mind that most teenage boys are at a stage |
| with someone very important you would do everything | | | | where being a "momma's boy" is not a cool thing. As |
| you could to keep that appointment. Treat your family | | | | they get closer and closer to manhood, they become |
| no different. | | | | more and more independent. So, don't feel rejected |
| Perhaps you are like the typical family that has a tv in | | | | when they seem to be pulling away. That being said, |
| every room and in the evening everyone retreats to | | | | you can still connect with them and you need to. You |
| his or her own room. Learn to utilize your family room | | | | may think this is absolutely crazy, but if your son is big |
| together as a family. Pick a night or two and turn off | | | | into video games, instead of always hammering him to |
| the tv. Instead, spend an hour or so together as a | | | | quit spending so much time playing, sit down for a few |
| family. Play games, go through a Bible study together, | | | | minutes and play with him. So what if you have no |
| or just sit around and talk. I know what you're thinking. | | | | idea how to play, let him teach you. Trust me, it will |
| Play games? Bible study? Sitting around talking? Are | | | | blow him away. |
| you crazy? | | | | Whatever you do, remember, connecting with your |
| What is so crazy, is that because of our great | | | | teenager is the primary goal. The sky is the limit. As a |
| American culture, these suggestions seem so lame. | | | | youth pastor for 15 years, I have consistently |
| Our culture, opposes the family in almost every way. It | | | | scheduled events for teens with the primary purpose |
| blows me away to see a family out at a restaurant | | | | of connecting with them relationally. Trust me, I have |
| and their teenager sitting there with his iPod listening to | | | | never had a huge budget, so planning events that are |
| music while they eat. Video games, iPods, internet, and | | | | inexpensive while at the same time fun, simply takes a |
| cell phones are tools that really cause us to isolate | | | | little effort and creativity. You may think that your |
| ourselves from other members of our family. Now, | | | | young person will never desire to connect with you, |
| don't go overboard and take everything away from | | | | and that may be true. However, in my experience with |
| your teen. You just have to make a decision to fight | | | | teens, I have discovered that I generally connect with |
| against a culture that opposes the family. Don't allow | | | | those I determine to connect with. I believe the same is |
| this culture to dictate how your family is going to | | | | true about you. In all that you do, please keep in mind |
| operate. As a parent, you set the agenda for the | | | | that the two biggest keys to connecting with |
| family. You decide how your household is going to run. | | | | teenagers is time and the ability to listen. So, make the |
| Plan some family outings. Do it once a week, once a | | | | time and work on your listening skills. |