| You know who you are, a parent of a teenager. | | | | Just so you don't think my daughter's get extra time, I |
| You're the one with blood shot eyes, more gray hair | | | | want to share a discussion I had with my son last night. |
| than you had yesterday, and empty pockets. Yeah, it's | | | | Completely awesome talk about swords; he told me |
| those empty pockets that get you. When you realize | | | | how they made the, and what they were for, and then |
| those three things, you'll know you're parenting a | | | | explained to me that if we still had fire breathing |
| teenager... | | | | dragons, I'd have to take a "knight" with me wherever I |
| Step #1 - Start before they start talking back, explain | | | | went, to fight off the fire breathing dragons. He's 10 |
| to your children when they are very young that you | | | | and completely convinced it's his responsibility to make |
| are the boss and you expect them to obey. Allow | | | | the world safe for inhabitation. |
| them to suffer consequences of simple injustices, early | | | | Step #5 - Don't give them everything they want. |
| on. If you tell them No, they will fall down, and they go | | | | Sometimes, just say no because you can. I know this |
| ahead and start to climb on the couch, show them the | | | | may sound a bit mean and cruel, but the reality is our |
| floor. Gently of course! | | | | children don't need everything they ask for, when they |
| Step #2 - Always have an appropriate punishment | | | | ask. Sometimes, they need to earn their way, and |
| available when natural consequences are not | | | | know the actual value of what they want. |
| happening. A natural consequence of disobedience | | | | Occasionally, even if you can afford to give your |
| happens without parental interference, and often | | | | children everything they ask for, don't. |
| without your actual knowledge. If there are natural | | | | Step #6 - Teach by example. IF you think for one |
| consequences, you don't have to issue punishment. If | | | | moment your children will do as you say and not as |
| not, however, it is best to issue a punishment that fits | | | | you do, your thinking is messed up. If you smoke, they |
| the crime. Just be sure you aren't punishing yourself in | | | | probably will too. If you drink, they probably will too. If |
| the process. | | | | you run around on your spouse, they probably will too. |
| Step #3 - Communication is the key. If you can't talk to | | | | Teach by doing the right thing, so your children can |
| your child, they can't talk to you. Communication is | | | | learn from your example. And if you do screw up, be |
| mutual. If you find you always are scolding your child, | | | | willing to admit you were wrong. |
| that isn't communication. Much of disciple comes not | | | | Step #7 - If you teach your child nothing else in life, |
| from the punishment, but from understanding the | | | | teach them about unconditional love. Accept your |
| proper way to behave. Chatter about the good things, | | | | children for who and what they are, and love them. |
| compliment them, and share the rewards you've | | | | Show them where you want them to go, and just love |
| received for appropriate behavior. Comment on their | | | | them through whatever phase they are in. Let them |
| friends who behave well, or your friends who don't. | | | | know you care and you will be there. Don't change |
| Talk to your kids. | | | | their consequences for them, but be there to |
| Step #4 - Time is a definite component of building a | | | | encourage them through the good choices and the |
| relationship. When was the last time you spent some | | | | bad choices. |
| serious TIME with your child? I mean the kind of time | | | | As a single parent, the hardest thing I've had to learn is |
| where you wish you could stay longer. Taking my | | | | that when I change my children's consequences, it |
| daughter to school, since she attends a class there | | | | takes them longer to learn the lesson. |
| after home schooling for 10 years, is a real experience | | | | You're in the game for the whole show, not just a |
| for both of us. Most mornings, we chatter about the | | | | battle or two. Be sure you come out on the other side |
| weather, her classes, or some other significant topic. | | | | with scars you won't mind sharing! Go in with the shield |
| This morning, we talked about the importance of | | | | of good parenting from the beginning, and a relationship |
| chocolate in the lives of girls. This is important stuff she | | | | with your child that can't be broken. |
| needs to know, and only I can share it with her. | | | | |