| As I mention in many of my articles, being the parent | | | | often used for failure to follow expectations which, in |
| of a teenager can be like walking a fine line at all times. | | | | teens, does not typically promote thoughtful reflection - |
| It is a constant balancing act between wanting to | | | | it promotes resentment. Teenagers of Drill Sergeant |
| protect your teen from bad decisions and harm and | | | | Parents are not taught how to express themselves |
| wanting them to make their own decisions and live | | | | appropriately (because they are not given a chance) |
| with the consequences of these decisions. Obviously | | | | and never really learn about decision making or |
| when your children are younger you can control much | | | | consequences for poor decisions because their |
| more of what goes on in their lives. You can better | | | | parents control those aspects or their lives. |
| control their environment and they are very open to | | | | 3. The Laissez-Faire Parent |
| your making a lot of their decisions for them. This is | | | | This is not technically a parenting style, however, it is |
| clearly not the case with teenagers. | | | | something I have seen often enough that it was worth |
| In this article, I will review four parenting styles | | | | mentioning. "Laissez-Faire Parents" are hands off with |
| described in the book Love and Logic. The first three | | | | their teenagers and generally allow their teens to do |
| are often used by parents of teenagers but are not | | | | whatever they wish to do. These are parents who |
| considered to be the most effective. The last style is | | | | may act like they are best friends with their teenager. |
| considered by many to be the most effective | | | | This type of parenting can evolve from a parent's |
| parenting style for parents of teens. | | | | need to feel well liked and loved by their teenager, out |
| 1. Helicopter Parents | | | | of guilt because they are always working or busy with |
| If you think about the role of a helicopter it is to hover, | | | | other things, out of frustration and "giving up" or out of |
| watch, protect and rescue. This is what "Helicopter | | | | necessity due to emotional or substance abuse |
| Parents" do with their teenagers. On the surface | | | | problems on the part of the parent. Teens are not able |
| Helicopter Parents appear to be very involved and | | | | to make all their own decisions and not having |
| supportive of their teenagers, however, what ends up | | | | guidance from parents ongoing can lead to the |
| happening is that they do so much for their teenager | | | | development of very poor decision making skills and |
| that their teenagers don't get to experience real life, | | | | potentially serious or dangerous consequences for |
| worry, pain or consequences because their parents | | | | these decisions. |
| are jumping in and protecting them when difficult | | | | 4. The Consultant Parent |
| situations arise. Helicopter Parents are very afraid of | | | | A normal part of adolescent development is the shift |
| their children failing so they rescue them out of worry, | | | | from thinking in a very concrete manner to being able |
| guilt or because they want to be needed by their | | | | to think abstractly. Because there is significant |
| children. | | | | development going on in the adolescent brain, it is a |
| These parents are genuinely concerned and love their | | | | critical time to help shape behavior patterns and overall |
| children, however, they prevent their children from | | | | brain wiring. This change in thinking is one of the |
| becoming responsible because they are always there | | | | reasons why parents begin to notice that their |
| as a safety net. Parents who continue to drive their | | | | teenagers start to question or resist things that were |
| teenagers to school when they repeatedly wake up | | | | never questioned by them before. Consultant Parents |
| late and miss the bus or who continue to give their | | | | ask questions and offer choices to their teenagers |
| teenagers extra money when they overspend their | | | | whenever possible. The goal is to have teens engage |
| allowance or money from a part time job are | | | | in the decision making process when possible and in a |
| considered Helicopter Parents. The teens of these | | | | safe manner so that they can learn and build upon |
| parents never learn what it is like to have to make up | | | | decision making skills. Parents who are in a consultant |
| for their mistakes or experience discomfort because | | | | role use "I" statements instead of "You" statements. |
| they made poor decisions. The bigger problem arises | | | | For example, "I am wondering what you would think |
| when the "helicopter" is no longer in their lives and all of | | | | would be a reasonable curfew on a school night when |
| the sudden they are adults who have no concept of | | | | there is an exam tomorrow" instead of "You will stay |
| what it means to be truly responsible for themselves. | | | | in and study since you are not getting good enough |
| 2. Drill Sergeant Parents | | | | grades". In addition to using "I" statements, consultants |
| If you think about the role of a drill sergeant, it is to give | | | | ask a lot of questions (not accusatory questions but |
| orders and tell others what to do and to punish those | | | | rather curious questions) which foster thinking more |
| who do not follow exact orders. This is what "Drill | | | | than lectures will ever do. |
| Sergeant Parents" do with their teenagers. Drill | | | | Which type of parent do you think you are and could |
| Sergeant Parents believe that the more they discipline | | | | you create more situations where you behave in the |
| and control their teenagers, the better their children will | | | | role of a consultant? |
| turn out. Teenagers of Drill Sergeant Parents never | | | | Much of the information for this article was taken from |
| learn how to make their own decisions because their | | | | Parenting Teens With Love & Logic (2006) by |
| decisions are made for them in a demanding and | | | | Foster Cline, MD and Jim Fay. |
| sometimes very controlling manner. Punishment is | | | | |