Parenting is a Battle For Independence - Not a Battle For Authority

Children have been defiant probably since the birth ofstudy on defiance in children raised in a middle-class
the first child on earth. As aggravating as a defianthome that were from the ages of 1 ½ to 2
child can be for parents, defiant behavior in children is a½ that led researchers to believe that defiance
natural part of growing up. Deciding how to deal within early childhood is a sign of confidence and growing
defiant behavior is a very personal matter for parents.independence. This also found that the children who
Although tradition and mass opinion often determineswere most defiant had mothers that were more
how a parent will react to a situation, choosing tocooperative, more sensitive, more interested in their
focus your parenting actions based on the long-termchildren, and had low symptoms of depression. On the
goals you wish for your child rather than tradition orother hand, mothers who were depressed were less
mass opinion can strengthen the lifelong character,likely to respond to the defiance, and the children only
morals and values that your child holds.learned to be overly passive when obstacles were
A mum spends her life working to mould her child intopresented.
a healthy, happy independent adult. Mums also haveDealing with defiance in older children and teenagers
their opinions on the character traits, morals and valuesbecomes a strategic battle in the future, but the
that they wish to instill in their children. These traits areimportant thing to remember is that your reactions will
instilled over time and are partially formed from ourbe forming the conscious and subconscious reactions
repeated reactions to life's every day occurrences.of our children in the future. Not all defiance is a healthy
The manner in which we respond to defiance will bepart of growing up, and repeated threatening and
embedded into our children's memories andviolent defiance can be a sign of Oppositional Defiance
experiences, and those memories and experiences willDisorder. Saying "no" and refusing to do something is
contribute to the child's lifelong development.far different than swearing and throwing things.
Society has changed drastically since Victorian times,Extreme defiant behavior can be genetically influenced
and even since the prosperous times of the 1950s. Asand may require intervention. But normal defiant
information spreads and the realities of the harshnessbehavior should be used as a teaching tool to develop
of life come to light, we have discovered that childrenyour child to be a confident, civilized and independent
should not be brought up with blind obedience, therethinking individual in the future.
are unethical governing authorities, and the world is fullDefiant behavior in children is a daily occurrence that
of dangerous challenges to face, from a bully at schoolcan be used to develop independent living skills, coping
to "stranger danger" at the park. Information has alsoskills and social skills. Mum and children will be happier
made our world more competitive. A child needsand more confident when defiance is treated as an
confidence to survive, and the ability to argue and beopportunity to teach independence rather than yet
defiant in a civilized manner to face the harsh realitiesanother battle of authority. Keep your child's long-term
of life. Mum is the safest place to practice thedevelopmental goals in mind with every reaction, and in
development of these skills. And these skills can be toa few decades the only battle you'll have to face will
be taught as early as toddlerhood.be finding the time to laugh with your child - reminiscing
In fact, in 2007, the journal Child Development did aabout the defiant antics of the past.