| Upbringing must be unnoticeable. If you want to teach | | | | Increasing dignity of children doesn't include praising |
| your child anything, do it without your child noticing your | | | | children right and left, with or without reason. Parents |
| teaching. Teach without teaching, preaching, or | | | | mistakenly think that praising children without reasons |
| lecturing. A child knows that at school a teacher | | | | raises children' self-esteem. In fact, praising without |
| teaches and evaluates the child's progress: is the child | | | | reasons leads children to confusion, when they |
| doing good or bad. At home a child wants to rest from | | | | inevitably encounter people's judgment, which actually |
| being evaluated. However, any teaching, if noticed, | | | | decrease the children's self-esteem. On the other hand |
| assumes the inevitable- an evaluation will follow. Many | | | | praising children with reason, if done constantly, works |
| parents constantly give their approval or disapproval to | | | | like a drug and makes children become addicted, or |
| a child: good boy, good job, or, naaah, not so good... | | | | dependent on the supply of a such praise. It is |
| This eventually touches the child's dignity, the child's | | | | especially dangerous because it is commonly assumed |
| sense of worth. In this environment, where the child | | | | to be a good parenting tool. When children are |
| has no rest from being evaluated, being watched, and | | | | constantly praised for their good behavior they get |
| being taught, upbringing becomes ineffective. When it | | | | used to pleasing adults to get more praise, they |
| happens parents assume that they are doing not | | | | become afraid to do wrong and be deprived of praise. |
| enough of teaching and work even harder to teach | | | | Such children become dependent and easily |
| the child a lesson. | | | | manipulated by others. Is this how you want your child |
| A child learns lessons not from the parents' words | | | | to grow up to be? |
| addressed to the child but from parent's words | | | | It is possible to teach without teaching. There is |
| addressed to the world around the child. The child | | | | upbringing without upbringing. The book Parenting For |
| notices parental approval or disapproval of other | | | | Everyone investigates the laws of raising children, not |
| people's actions, no matter whether or not those | | | | difficult children, but ordinary ones. What is possible and |
| people live together in the same house or out in the | | | | impossible in upbringing? What real power do parents |
| world. Good parents don't necessarily approve or | | | | have? What results follow from what actions? What |
| disapprove their child's actions. They let a child be a | | | | are those laws and truths of the science of the art of |
| child. They show no doubts in their child's value. They | | | | parenting? One of them is that upbringing must be |
| make most of efforts toward increasing dignity of their | | | | unnoticeable. If you want to teach somebody how to |
| children. | | | | live do it unnoticeably. |