Parenting Help - Saying Sorry to a Child

Today I found myself apologizing, genuinely, to my 4how she felt. We hugged tight and I could just tell that
year old daughter. We were out shopping for materialsmy apology made her so happy. It was a special
to create a "good choices jar" (whole other story -mommy-daughter moment and I'll never forget it.
trying a new discipline technique!) and out of the blueApologizing to your child teaches them that saying
she says to me "I don't like it when you call me little." Isorry isn't just for kids. It can strengthen your
asked her what she meant and she said "You alwaysrelationship and make it easier to talk about feelings
tell people that I am little for my age and I don't like thatand regrets.
because I'm big."Many kids find it difficult to say "I'm sorry", even when
To explain, she is 4 and has always been around thethey are. Kids aren't always sorry for the things we
25th percentile for height and weight on the growththink are worth an apology. Some kids will blurt out "I'm
charts. My 2 ½ year old is just about 4 inchessorry" too easily, thinking that just saying the words will
shorter and only 2 pounds less (she's always beensatisfy grown-ups, and they can get back to their
around the 75th percentile) - she's not fat, but she'splaying. That's not a real apology. Children need to
dense - the older is skin and bones and always hasunderstand what the meaning of apologizing is. It's a
been. EVERY time we go out people ask if they'reprocess that involves a lot of patience in order to
twins and I usually say "No, they're 18 months apart, soteach a child when to apologize and how to make
they're close!" If the conversation continues I sayamends for hurting someone. You must, of course,
"Yeah, she's little for her age, pointing to the 4 year old,take the child's age into consideration. I think my four
and she's big for her age, pointing to the 2 year old, soyear old is starting to get it, but my two-year old still
they are very close in size and everyone thinks they'redoesn't quite get it.
twins."When a child learns how to apologize, they are gaining
Little did I know that she hears EVERYTHING (I'mmore social skills. Around age 4 to 6, a child begins to
starting to catch on to that lately!) and my poor babyunderstand the concept of what is behind an apology -
was feeling hurt and I had no idea. I started to tear up. Irealizing that they did something wrong. Before a
stopped, got down on her level and told her I was sogenuine apology can be obtained, this concept has to
very sorry. I told her that she is just perfect and issink in. Preschoolers are not yet really thinking about
growing more and more every day. I told her that Iwhat's right and wrong. This is the reason parents and
never meant to hurt her feelings by saying what I did,teachers need to step in and point out to a child when
and I will not say it any more now that I know how itan apology is in order.
made her feel. I also told her how proud for telling me