| Q: We have quite a dilemma in our house and I'm not | | | | family that was raising its first child, no other kids in the |
| sure which way to go. We have two daughters, ages | | | | picture. Your second child was born into a family with |
| 15 and 11. The 15-year-old has taken to blaming all her | | | | already broken-in parents and an older sibling. |
| bad behavior on her sister because she thinks we | | | | By definition, you are going to treat them differently, at |
| treat her younger sister as the favorite. Can this make | | | | least to some extent. |
| her behave badly? Do you think we should change | | | | One solution here is to schedule dates with each of |
| how we treat them? | | | | them on a regular basis. A date would involve one or |
| A: Put two or more children in one family and | | | | both parents separately with each child, spending time |
| someone will eventually cry "you treat him/her better | | | | together just having fun and focused on each child. |
| than me!" | | | | Another strategy is to not allow your daughter to use |
| So that leads to the question, should you take this | | | | this as a way to manipulate you. If you do, you have |
| seriously, and if so, what should you do about it? | | | | given her a powerful and handy piece of leverage. |
| First, ask yourself if there is any validity to the | | | | The bottom line is this: Even if you do treat your |
| complaint. It could be that one child is easier to deal | | | | children differently, it remains your older daughter's |
| with than the other _ high maintenance vs. low | | | | responsibility to learn how to manage herself in |
| maintenance. You might share more interests with one | | | | situations that might be unfair, because that's good |
| child than another, or one child might behave better | | | | training for the real world, and to behave in the manner |
| than another. These are all naturally occurring situations. | | | | that you have taught her is appropriate. In other words, |
| Another way to look at it is of course you treat them | | | | don't lower your standards for behavior in the face of |
| differently because each of your children grew up in | | | | "you treat her different than me! |
| different families. Your oldest child has grown up in a | | | | |