| Surprisingly, new research on the brain tells us that | | | | you just have to say "no," such as when your |
| adolescent brains undergo a great deal of | | | | teenager wants to do something that is highly |
| development during adolescence -- perhaps far more | | | | dangerous or foolhardy. It may be helpful to negotiate, |
| than previously thought. | | | | too. There is an art to this, and the use of finesse and |
| Fine tuning of reasoning and the decision making | | | | tact are especially helpful. |
| processes occurs during this time, making it difficult at | | | | Tips |
| times for the adolescent to think logically. This may | | | | 1. Don't be a know-it-all. |
| help explain the tendency toward risk-taking behavior, | | | | 2. Avoid acting like a tyrant or ogre. |
| too. As teenagers become more independent, they | | | | 3. Don't lecture. Lecturing turns kids and adults off. |
| engage in more adult-like activities and take more risks. | | | | 4. Learn to listen and pay attention to what your teen |
| However, they do not have the life experience to | | | | is doing and thinking. |
| guide them, or to always ensure that their risks are | | | | 5. Talk, don't yell! |
| safe, such as when they are engaging in | | | | 6. Watch for red flags: drinking, staying out until all |
| novelty-seeking behavior. | | | | hours, and disconnecting from the family are examples. |
| Close Supervision | | | | If you see a sign something may be wrong, sit down |
| That's why it's important for adults to maintain close | | | | and open a discussion with your son or daughter. Be |
| supervision of adolescents, without smothering them | | | | advised, they won't tell you how they feel if they are |
| emotionally. Parents must strike a delicate balance | | | | afraid of you or fear your over-reaction. |
| between allowing the teen to become more | | | | 7. Be a concerned parent who communicates honestly |
| independent while keeping up close supervision. This is | | | | with your child. That means being there for him/her, |
| a difficult transition to make for some parents, who are | | | | and not being too busy with your own life to give your |
| used to parenting a young child, and not having their | | | | teen the attention he/she needs. |
| authority questioned. | | | | Additional Considerations |
| If the parent behaves too authoritatively, the teen may | | | | Adolescent brains are more sensitive to addiction, or |
| rebel or mistake the good intentions of the parent in a | | | | repeating any enjoyable event/activity that releases |
| negative way, and the relationship may suffer. | | | | dopamine, than adult brains. So the wise parent knows |
| Striking A Delicate Balance | | | | this and realizes the likelihood of adolescent |
| It's an age-old question: How do you keep tabs on | | | | experimentation. |
| your teenager, and ensure a safe and healthy | | | | The parts of the brain that are responsible for impulse |
| passage to adulthood? | | | | control, such as the prefrontal cortex, undergo big |
| First, it helps to learn all you can about adolescence | | | | changes during the adolescent years. Teens are not |
| (and dispel any myths), so you know what to expect. | | | | always well equipped to resist the new temptations of |
| One prominent myth is the idea that adolescence is a | | | | adolescence. Not all cognitive capacities are mature in |
| hard developmental phase to go through and always a | | | | the adolescent brain, making it hard for teens to |
| struggle. In reality, many kids breeze through | | | | always make good decisions. |
| adolescence. | | | | Parents who understand this can spend less time |
| Another myth is that teenagers and their parents | | | | criticizing their teenager for making bad decisions and |
| cannot get along. Yet good parenting can make all the | | | | more time relating to him/her. The latter will prove |
| difference in the world. | | | | helpful to the relationship the parent has with the teen. |
| Second, stop to realize that teens feel invincible at | | | | It is the relationship that counts when a parent tries to |
| times and like to do unsafe things. They may actually | | | | guide a teenager properly. The relationship matters far |
| feel or sense no danger, or get caught up in the | | | | more than the rules or the consequences. Teens don't |
| emotion of the moment. This is known as the myth of | | | | automatically behave out of blind obedience. If you |
| invincibility, and refers to the tendency teens have to | | | | want your teenager to obey you and to be able to talk |
| not recognize the dangers inherent in a situation . . . and | | | | to you, then avoid an authoritative or militaristic |
| to think they can endure dangerous ordeals or unsafe | | | | approach, and work hard to keep your relationship on |
| activities unscathed. | | | | good terms. |
| Peer pressure added to the feelings of invincibility can | | | | The Coaching Approach |
| create a prescription for disaster. | | | | Be a coach to your teenager, and not a judge or critic, |
| What Can You Do? | | | | and things will go much better. Kids will generally |
| Help your adolescent to be realistic about life's risks | | | | behave when they understand why you make certain |
| without nagging or insulting. Instead of forbidding certain | | | | decisions, and they have a good relationship with |
| experiences, consider helping to figure out a way to | | | | caring and involved parents. A close, trusting |
| have experiences safely. Be sure that all the variables | | | | relationship is of paramount importance. If you don't |
| are analyzed, but leave the final decision to the | | | | have that kind of relationship with your teen, you can |
| adolescent, fostering a growing independence and | | | | develop it. |
| self-confidence. | | | | Remember, adolescent brains are different. They are |
| Encourage your adolescent to be responsible for | | | | slower to develop to full maturity than once thought. |
| decisions and mistakes. This is how the teen will | | | | No wonder it is often hard for an adolescent to make |
| develop confidence and gain the experience to be a | | | | good decisions. Be understanding and supportive. |
| successful adult. Avoid rescuing, allow your adolescent | | | | Provide good supervision of your teen's behavior, and |
| to experience the results of behaviors and decisions. | | | | always take a proactive role in keeping a strong |
| If a really bad decision is made - one you can't live with | | | | relationship with your teen. |
| - then you can always shoot straight about it, and help | | | | And you'll be able to rest at night. |
| your adolescent to make a better one. Sometimes | | | | |