| u are currently parenting a teenager you know how | | | | the parent. |
| frustrating and even scary it can be. | | | | As their parent, the best thing you can do is to face |
| Let's face it, parenting a teenager can be confusing, | | | | the problem head on, even if you have feelings of |
| too. Sometimes learning what NOT to do is easier than | | | | uncertainty yourself (and you probably will). If |
| trying to figure out what new idea to add into your | | | | necessary, get professional help. Let your teenager |
| parenting style. | | | | see you are taking his or her problems seriously. Talk |
| I have been parenting for over two decades and am | | | | to them and then listen, listen, and listen. |
| currently parenting my third teenager. Based on my | | | | If you find that there is a great deal of arguing going on |
| own experience, here are the top three worst things | | | | in your household, then that needs to be the first |
| you can do while parenting a teenager. Just avoiding | | | | problem you stop avoiding. |
| these can go a long ways towards building a | | | | Show your teen how an adult behaves in such a |
| successful relationship with your teenager and thereby | | | | situation. |
| improving the harmony of your home. | | | | * You can show your teen how to stay calm and in |
| Mistake #1. Ignoring your teenager | | | | the moment. |
| Teenagers are intense social animals. The stage of | | | | * You can model quality listening. |
| development they're moving through is complex and | | | | * You can let them know that you are developing a |
| confusing to them. Their days are often anything but | | | | plan of action. |
| calm and stable. As their parent, you can sense this | | | | * You can show them how to get help when help is |
| just by being in the same room with them or listening | | | | needed. |
| to their conversations with their friends. | | | | Whether it's failing grades, suspected drug use, |
| If you are uncertain as to how to guide them, in your | | | | promiscuity, or speaking disrespectfully, avoiding the |
| genuine frustration you may have fallen into the trap of | | | | problem will only make it worse. That's not what you |
| ignoring your teen. If you simply don't know what to | | | | want. (If you would like more parenting teenager |
| say to your teen's rude facade or embarrassing | | | | strategies, please see the resource box following this |
| questions or painful silences then you may have | | | | article.) |
| decided to hunker down and just try to get through | | | | Mistake #3. Letting your teenager call all the shots. |
| these difficult years in one piece. | | | | If you are unsure of how to guide your teenager, you |
| Mom or dad, if that description sounds familiar, please | | | | may have fallen into the habit of simply letting them do |
| take heart. There are better and easier ways of | | | | whatever they want, whenever they want. |
| parenting your teenager. In fact, if you are ignoring your | | | | Of course, this is a recipe for disaster. |
| teenager, you are choosing the most difficult path | | | | There is a reason we adults are called to parent our |
| available to you, from a long-term perspective. | | | | children right up until the late teens. |
| Let's get something straight. It's okay if you don't know | | | | Because they NEED parenting. Desperately. |
| what to say to your teen. What your teen needs most | | | | Ideally, as a child grows he or she is slowly given more |
| from you is to be *heard*. Instead of walking away | | | | freedom and responsibility until, as a young adult, he or |
| when an uncomfortable conversation begins, take a | | | | she is ready to take care of themselves completely. |
| deep breath, look into your teen's eyes and intensely | | | | However, since parenting is definitely an on-the-job |
| listen. If you have been ignoring your teen for awhile, it | | | | training gig and hindsight is 20/20, many of us parents |
| will take some time for your teen to believe that you | | | | arrive at the teen years with a sense that we'd have |
| are really interested in them. Be persistent. You | | | | done things differently had we known better. |
| teenager will be unable to resist your offer to listen | | | | That's okay. Start from where you are and move |
| unconditionally. | | | | forward. Be honest with your teen and tell him you can |
| Mistake #2. Avoiding problems | | | | see where changes need to be made that will benefit |
| This is different from ignoring your teenager. As teens | | | | everyone involved. |
| are maturing into young adults, they naturally explore | | | | Parenting a teenager means setting boundaries with |
| more and more adult-type issues. Sometimes a | | | | your teenager that reflect your family's values. Enforce |
| teenager gets in over his or her head and desperately | | | | those boundaries consistently. Get help if you need it. |
| wants your help but doesn't know how to ask. | | | | Listen to and hug your teenager everyday. Don't ever |
| Sometimes a teen will taunt you, as their parent, with a | | | | give up. |
| forbidden behavior, challenging you to stand up and BE | | | | In other words, be the parent. One day at a time. |