| Parenting has been going on since the beginning of | | | | change their behaviour when moving from one stage |
| humanity, but many parents still feel they must reinvent | | | | of their life to another or even within their individual life |
| the wheel over and over again and count on some | | | | stages. Our 11 year old child who was dependent on |
| mysterious instincts they are supposed to have. | | | | us for all decisions suddenly becomes independent by |
| Parenting is at first a physical challenge, then slowly; it | | | | the time they cross 13. Our infant who was howling a |
| morphs into a mental challenge. However it is highly | | | | few minutes ago is smiling and giggling away now. |
| desirable that parents do use child-centred, | | | | Children are experts at changing states. The first step |
| non-directive play, as a part of their parenting | | | | to developing NL Parenting Skill is to understand the |
| activities. This requires special Parenting Skill. For | | | | state of our child. It is like putting yourself in the shoes |
| many people, parenting their kids is one of the most | | | | of your child and understanding how they think, their |
| fulfilling feelings in their life. Parenting skill is all about | | | | needs, what is driving their behaviour (good or bad) |
| knowing your parenting personality. This is important as | | | | and what are their frustrations. |
| it helps you discover how your personality motivates | | | | This parenting skill can be achieved by anchoring – |
| the way you behave as a parent and how your child's | | | | which means associating their current state with their |
| personality interacts with your own. As times have | | | | beliefs and surrounding. So if your 3 year old knows |
| changed – parenting has become more refined and | | | | that by creating a tantrum they will get what they |
| several parenting skills and techniques are available to | | | | want, you need to understand that creating a tantrum |
| make the process simpler and less stressful. Below is | | | | to have their way is the belief that your child has |
| one of the most effective and contemporary parenting | | | | developed. If you put yourself in their shoes, you will be |
| skill; that can give you complete parenting satisfaction. | | | | able to point to various instances where they have got |
| Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP was begun by | | | | a better of you just because you gave into their |
| Dr John Grinder and Richard Bandler in the mid 1970's | | | | tantrum. These instances were the key to |
| and Neuro-Linguistic Parenting (NL Parenting) is a | | | | development and reinforcement of their beliefs. It is |
| parenting skill that takes the essence of NLP and | | | | very important to remember that even though you feel |
| applies it to parenting circumstances. First let us | | | | that creating a tantrum in this instance is bad behaviour |
| understand what is NPL? NLP is the study of how | | | | – your child definitely sees it as giving them benefits. |
| people know what they think they know and how they | | | | Hence there is an incongruence of your beliefs versus |
| do what they do (as opposed to 'why' they do what | | | | your child's. |
| they do). NLP processes can be used to explore | | | | Knowing their belief and understanding the physical |
| beliefs. NLP explores the relationships between the | | | | stimulus for the same is the second step to acquiring |
| way we think (Neuro), the way we communicate | | | | NL Parenting skill. However, anchoring is not the end of |
| (Linguistic) and our patterns of behaviour | | | | the process. By anchoring you will now be able to |
| (Programming). Our minds, bodies, emotions, beliefs, | | | | identify the beliefs and the physical stimulus that you |
| knowledge and memories are all present and active | | | | want to change. So the goal of the first two steps is |
| simultaneously. NEURO is our "Nervous System" | | | | not to leave the state unchanged, but to find a way to |
| through which experience is received and processed | | | | change it that preserves some elements of its |
| via the five senses. LINGUISTIC is our language and | | | | benefits. So if your child has created a tantrum to |
| nonverbal communication systems through which | | | | have a chocolate, you can try and negotiate with them |
| neural representations are coded, ordered, and given | | | | to complete their dinner first and then allow them to |
| meaning. PROGRAMMING is the pattern of | | | | have a chocolate – such that you get some |
| manifestation of our neural codes and communication. | | | | benefits out of the situation. |
| NL Parenting is the parenting skill with a main goal of | | | | The final step of NL Parenting skill is the process of |
| dissemination of the necessary processes and | | | | achieving permanent transformation in your child. Here |
| information to assist parents in achieving personal | | | | coaching skills play a very vital role. Coaching comes in |
| congruence. It is all about generating options from | | | | when a situation arises that displays a gap between, |
| which we can choose, so it is the finest system we | | | | what the environment is asking and what skills the child |
| have for learning how to relate to children in creative | | | | may lack. Coaching skills give parents the tools to build |
| and congruent ways. NLP in Parenting helps foster | | | | on their relationship with their child and to create |
| better communication between parent and child. | | | | opportunities for courageous conversations. Acquiring |
| NL Parenting works quicker with children and | | | | the right coaching skills is important as it helps parents |
| adolescents simply because their nervous system is | | | | to identify their governing values and standards, which |
| still in the process of integrating those inner messages | | | | establishes the basis of their parenting decisions. It |
| so they can be helped to delete and replace them | | | | helps to transform your awareness about your child's |
| quicker. From an NL Parenting perspective the roles of | | | | behaviour, it energizes your child's successes, that |
| a parent are; to manipulate contexts so that children | | | | promote desired behaviour and it identifies & |
| can learn or play in relative safety and to model or | | | | creates qualities that would not have otherwise |
| demonstrate exceptional behaviour and congruence. | | | | existed. So in the above example, through coaching |
| NL Parenting is the parenting skill which provides | | | | parents can create a complete different external |
| parents with a framework that helps their children to | | | | stimulus for the child – like say need for healthy |
| get along with others and in the process make | | | | teeth – and steer them away from demanding |
| parenting an enjoyable experience. | | | | chocolates and creating tantrum for them all the time. |
| We are often taken aback with the way our kids | | | | |