My Daughter Died - Who Am I Now?

The death of a child is a stunning blow and changes aChild has Died and so Have I!: Grieving the Loss of an
parent's life forever. It is an out-of-turn death --Adolescent Child." Her article is published in the January
something that should not happen. My daughter died at2009 issue of "The Forum," the printed newsletter of
age 45 from the injuries she received in a car crash.the Association for Death Education and Counseling.
Her death changed my identity and my life. Some ofThe death of a child takes the parent's breath away,
the changes are good and others are not so good.Bissler says, and changes the parent's personality.
One good change is my sensitivity to other people.Despite one remaining adult child, I often feel like the
Though I have always been a sensitive person, I amparent of an only child, and this surpises me. Therese
more sensitive now. My daughter's death, herA. Rando, PhD writes about identity in her book, "How
appointment of my husband and me as her children'sto Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies."
guardians, and becoming a GRG (grandparent raisingGrieving parents are in transition, Rando notes, and
grandchildren) have given me many new writing topics.have to adjust to a new world. Language changes
These are good changes. What about the not sofrom "we" to "I," for example. Aspects of personality
good?are lost and new aspects are found. According to
When you have lost four loved ones as I have -- myRando, bereaved parents need to reinvest their
daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law,energy in other people and pursuits.
all in the span of nine months, life becomes scary."You then will need to integrate your new and old
Tragedy found me and I wonder if it will find me again.selves together," she explains. I am reinvesting energy
Raising my twin grandchildren is my new life missionin grief books, grief articles, and talks about multiple
and I do it joyfully. That does not stop me fromlosses. In addition, I am reinvesting energy in my
worrying about teen behavior, peer pressure, and myhusband, grandchildren, and our extended family.
grandchildren's futures.The time will come, according to Bob Deits, MTh,
According to a Cancet Net website article, "When aauthor of "Life After Loss," when I will reconnect with
Parent is Grieving the Loss of a Child," when you loselife. I am doing this now. Though my identity has
a child you may lose a close friend, link tochanged a bit, inside I am pretty much the same
grandchildren, and family support. My deceasedperson. I love to write, love to cook, love intellectual
daughter was all of these things and her death has leftchallenges, love to laugh, and love sharing life with my
a gaping hole in my life.twin grandchildren. This is who I am and who I will be in
Jane Bissler, PhD, writes about identity change in "Myyears to come.