| The death of a child is a stunning blow and changes a | | | | Child has Died and so Have I!: Grieving the Loss of an |
| parent's life forever. It is an out-of-turn death -- | | | | Adolescent Child." Her article is published in the January |
| something that should not happen. My daughter died at | | | | 2009 issue of "The Forum," the printed newsletter of |
| age 45 from the injuries she received in a car crash. | | | | the Association for Death Education and Counseling. |
| Her death changed my identity and my life. Some of | | | | The death of a child takes the parent's breath away, |
| the changes are good and others are not so good. | | | | Bissler says, and changes the parent's personality. |
| One good change is my sensitivity to other people. | | | | Despite one remaining adult child, I often feel like the |
| Though I have always been a sensitive person, I am | | | | parent of an only child, and this surpises me. Therese |
| more sensitive now. My daughter's death, her | | | | A. Rando, PhD writes about identity in her book, "How |
| appointment of my husband and me as her children's | | | | to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies." |
| guardians, and becoming a GRG (grandparent raising | | | | Grieving parents are in transition, Rando notes, and |
| grandchildren) have given me many new writing topics. | | | | have to adjust to a new world. Language changes |
| These are good changes. What about the not so | | | | from "we" to "I," for example. Aspects of personality |
| good? | | | | are lost and new aspects are found. According to |
| When you have lost four loved ones as I have -- my | | | | Rando, bereaved parents need to reinvest their |
| daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law, | | | | energy in other people and pursuits. |
| all in the span of nine months, life becomes scary. | | | | "You then will need to integrate your new and old |
| Tragedy found me and I wonder if it will find me again. | | | | selves together," she explains. I am reinvesting energy |
| Raising my twin grandchildren is my new life mission | | | | in grief books, grief articles, and talks about multiple |
| and I do it joyfully. That does not stop me from | | | | losses. In addition, I am reinvesting energy in my |
| worrying about teen behavior, peer pressure, and my | | | | husband, grandchildren, and our extended family. |
| grandchildren's futures. | | | | The time will come, according to Bob Deits, MTh, |
| According to a Cancet Net website article, "When a | | | | author of "Life After Loss," when I will reconnect with |
| Parent is Grieving the Loss of a Child," when you lose | | | | life. I am doing this now. Though my identity has |
| a child you may lose a close friend, link to | | | | changed a bit, inside I am pretty much the same |
| grandchildren, and family support. My deceased | | | | person. I love to write, love to cook, love intellectual |
| daughter was all of these things and her death has left | | | | challenges, love to laugh, and love sharing life with my |
| a gaping hole in my life. | | | | twin grandchildren. This is who I am and who I will be in |
| Jane Bissler, PhD, writes about identity change in "My | | | | years to come. |