| When my brother died in the spring of 2007 I barely | | | | candidate for the high school track team. He |
| had time to mourn him. Our elder daughter -- mother of | | | | concentrated on hurdles and practiced jumping in our |
| our twin grandchildren -- had died four months earlier. | | | | driveway. I would see his head "bouncing" by the dining |
| My father-in-law died the same weekend and we | | | | room window, with a determined expression on his |
| were swamped with tasks. We were also doing all | | | | face. With a smile, I remembered the time he loaned |
| we could to nurture our grandchildren -- children who | | | | me his flashy yellow car to drive to Boston and show |
| were now without a mother. | | | | off to my college friends. |
| Grief was still raw when my brother had a heart | | | | Our personalities were very different, yet we were |
| attack and died. Apparently he had survived cancer | | | | brother and sister. I did not know why he severed our |
| treatment, but his heart had not. We attended the | | | | relationship, but had an inkling. Now he was gone and |
| memorial service on Long Island, flew home, and tried | | | | our broken relationship could not be mended. Even on |
| to put our lives back together. Our former son-in-law | | | | the sunny, warm days of summer I felt a bit |
| had moved in with the twins and things were going | | | | melancholy. Ten years of life had been wasted and I |
| pretty well until he was killed in another car crash. | | | | could not bring them back. |
| Our grandchildren moved in with us and we became | | | | Grief is more than mourning the death of a loved one. |
| their legal guardians. Though I sometimes thought about | | | | It can also include mourning a broken relationship. You |
| my brother, most of my thoughts were about raising | | | | may have memories of a similar relationship and, like |
| teenagers. So I was surprised last summer when I | | | | me, are stuck with these memories. What can we do? |
| started to grieve for him. I grieved for his death and | | | | Despite broken relationships and words we wished |
| our severed relationship. My brother had severed the | | | | had not said, we can still honor our loved ones. |
| relationship and I did not hear from him for 10 years. | | | | We can remember happy times and let the rest go. |
| My brother was an expert sailor and I thought about | | | | This spring, when the air is warm again, I will donate |
| sailing on Long Island Sound in the summer time. One | | | | books to the public library in memory of my brother. He |
| afternoon we were overcome by a cloud of tiny bugs | | | | was an avid reader and so am I. Small as my donation |
| swirling over the water. Since we couldn't change tack | | | | will be, it is a way to honor him, and foster something |
| (other boats were close by), we sailed through them, | | | | he loved so much. Think about the ways you could |
| and tried to keep the bugs out of our eyes. | | | | honor your loved one. Pick one that touches your |
| At six feet four inches tall, my brother was a perfect | | | | heart and act upon it. |