| Is your parenting style authoritarian, a style that | | | | makes a decision based on limits set by you (your |
| imposes strict rules, reward and punishment? Are you | | | | control). You need to be ready to enforce the |
| afraid of giving up even a little control? Don't despair | | | | consequences and refrain from helping the child before |
| because that may be the only style of parenting you | | | | the consequence takes place. |
| know. The bad news is that sometimes we tend to | | | | Here are the steps: |
| emulate and incorporate our own personal conditioning | | | | Give a choice within limits. Setting limits gives both |
| and experience as a child and model the behavior we | | | | the parent and child some control and shows mutual |
| ourselves experienced. The good news is that there is | | | | respect. |
| a better alternative that allows for maintaining control | | | | Select only alternatives or options that can be or |
| but it is respectful, encouraging, and permits child to | | | | are willing to carry out as a result of negative choice. |
| accept responsibility for behavior. It is a good option | | | | Use a firm, caring tone of voice. Keep arbitrary, |
| because it also promotes cooperation in place of | | | | threatening pitch and inflection out of it. |
| possible rebellion or vengeful reactions. | | | | Stick to the decision and act on choice made. |
| It is called logical consequences and here's an example | | | | For example, if child starts to argue about unfairness |
| before I tell you how it works: | | | | of curfew time. You can respond by saying, "You can |
| It is Cullen's turn to put away the toys after outside | | | | arrive home at 8 p.m. tonight since it is a school night or |
| play. He decides not to do it. Instead of giving a talk or | | | | stay in tomorrow night. You decide." |
| speaking in a less than gracious tone of voice, you can | | | | If child doesn't comply-- "I see that you haven't make it |
| simply say the following in a firm, but friendly manner. "I | | | | home in time for curfew. You can try again the day |
| see that you have chosen not to put the toys away, | | | | after tomorrow." |
| you have given up your outdoor play time for | | | | When using logical consequences with older children, it |
| tomorrow and can try again the next day." OR "You | | | | can be even more helpful to discuss particular |
| can either put the toys away or lose your play time | | | | consequences ahead of time so that child feels he or |
| tomorrow. You decide". | | | | she has been part of the choice. Sitting down and |
| Logical consequences are consequences that are | | | | discussing the consequences of negative choices give |
| simple and logically relate to the misbehavior or action. | | | | the child a sense of empowerment and respect for |
| The consequences "fit" the "crime". They attack the | | | | being part of the decision. Child is more affable to |
| problem and not the person. Logical consequences | | | | comply when having a vested interest in the outcome. |
| teach the child responsibility (where it belongs) by being | | | | You are creating more positive parenting skills. It |
| given a choice (positive respect); and as a result, child | | | | attacks the deed and not the doer. |