| Model Parenting is too often a buzz-word for THE | | | | Discipline And Leadership: This is probably the most |
| way to raise kids. Usually, these wonder plans are | | | | controversial area in parenting. Some parenting plans |
| wrapped around 3 concepts of child development we'll | | | | say to be the authoritarian, doling out punishment like |
| call Self-Esteem, Temperament, and Discipline. Caring | | | | an executioner. Others call for non-judgmental |
| parents will try to get every advantage to do the best | | | | friendship, tolerating and accepting any behavior. There |
| job possible for their kids. This article is for those | | | | are times in every child's life that they need to be |
| parents...to offer one common-sense factor that can | | | | punished...yes, punished. Other times, particularly in their |
| render any parenting plan a success or a failure. In | | | | later teens, punishment will just end the relationship, so, |
| fact, this factor can often replace parenting plans | | | | sometimes it's better to be a coach or friend. The |
| entirely. | | | | purpose of this article isn't to give anyone a set |
| Kids and Self-Esteem: While most parenting plans | | | | parenting plan, but to encourage parents in one factor |
| address the positive self-esteem kids need, they differ | | | | that can make or break, maybe even replace, any |
| widely in how to achieve it. Many teach parents to be | | | | parenting plan. |
| always gentle and flexible. I remember my brother | | | | The one factor that works with any parenting plan is a |
| trying to reason and negotiate with his 2-year-old | | | | living example. The discipline method most needed by |
| daughter over a behavior issue. Kids need to know | | | | parents is self-discipline. You know this to be true! For |
| where the line is and the consequences of crossing it. | | | | most of their childhood they just want to be like you. |
| On the other hand, they also need enough room to | | | | The sensible way to teach them how to act is to act |
| play and breathe. Other parenting plans call for so | | | | that way. My father taught us kids to be honest, save |
| much rigidity the children are afraid to do anything. The | | | | money, not smoke and not drink. Since he smoked, |
| sensible approach seems somewhere between the | | | | drank, stole from his employers and managed money |
| two extremes...like choosing the few areas where | | | | like a drunken sailor, most of us grew up to disappoint |
| absolutes naturally exist (honesty, generosity, respect, | | | | him by being like him. A friend of mine had a Playboy |
| etc.) and setting the limits so there's a little room for life | | | | Bunny key chain most of the years of his daughter's |
| between here and there. This could give them a | | | | childhood, but he was devastated and angry at her for |
| secure environment with room to live and grow. | | | | becoming promiscuous in her mid-teens. I learned in a |
| Whatever your plan calls for in limits, your | | | | leadership seminar... |
| effectiveness communicating those limits will depend | | | | What you do speaks so loudly they can't hear what |
| on their temperaments and your discipline. | | | | you say. |
| Different Temperaments and Tests: Whether it's | | | | Usually when you hear the phrase model parent, you |
| nature or nurture, from the time they are babies | | | | think of some 5-step plan on sale or someone getting |
| children have a variety of temperaments. Many feel | | | | an award because their kids are little darlings. Real |
| one set of limits can't be successfully applied to a | | | | model parenting means to be a parent model...living the |
| variety of children. This makes no more sense than | | | | way you want them to live. If you want them to be |
| condoning murder for one set of adults but not | | | | unselfish, you give some of your time and money to a |
| another. Temperaments should be considered only in | | | | good local cause. If you want them to be honest, you |
| how you explain and teach the limits, not how you | | | | don't lie...don't cheat on your taxes...don't let the clerk |
| apply them. Based on their temperaments, kids will test | | | | give you too much change. If you want them to be |
| the limits in every way...direct, subtle, reasoning, | | | | devoted to their spouse, you stop eying the waitress. If |
| humorous. From K-6, they'll get more inventive at | | | | you want them to have money, you begin saving, cut |
| finding exceptions to the limits. All this is to see if you're | | | | up the credit cards and get out of debt. Think of |
| serious. In the pre-teen and teen years, you'll have to | | | | everything you want to teach your children and then |
| begin showing them you trust them to keep | | | | just do it in front of them every day. |
| themselves within the limits...often letting them fail and | | | | This, really, is the only plan a parent needs. Just be |
| experience the consequences. If the foundation has | | | | who you want them to be...that way you'll have less |
| been laid well, it will be obvious in the later teen years. If | | | | explaining to do in their teen years. |
| not, discipline will be difficult to impossible. | | | | |