Kids With Oppositional Defiant Disorder Need "Unconventional" Parenting Strategies

Kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder are"unconventional" parenting strategies, and (b) make a
"unconventional," and they need "unconventional"bad problem worse if you don't.
parenting strategies.Most parents who have kids with Oppositional Defiant
How do I know whether or not I have anDisorder are therapy-drunk. What I mean is their child
"unconventional" child who will need to be parentedhas been in anger-management therapy for his violent
using "unconventional" parenting strategies?outbursts, the family has had family therapy in order to
Please review the following statements. Are they truedevelop conflict management skills, mom and dad
for you rarely, sometimes or frequently?have had couples therapy (or marital counseling) to
1. I have a hard time saying "no" to my child.resolve communication problems, mom has had
2. When I say "no' to my child, "no" eventually becomesindividual psychotherapy for her depression. ENOUGH
a "maybe" which eventually becomes a "yes".IS ENOUGH. You don't need any more therapy!
3. I have blamed myself for my child's misbehavior.I find that when parents have a few simple
4. I sometimes feel guilty about my parenting (e.g., "Iparenting-tools in dealing with the out-of-control teen,
haven't done enough" or "I haven't done a very goodthey actually do a much better job of influencing him
job").her to change his behavior than a judge, probation
5. I often feel distant from my child.officer, cop, counselor, psychotherapist, etc.
6. I feel that my child has no appreciation for all I'veCan I give you an idea real quick? A change agent is
done for him/her.someone who influences another person to make
7. I try to be my kid's "friend."some improvements in his behavior. You can learn
8. I sometimes feel sorry for my child.how to be the change agent -- and you'll do a much
9. I have 'gone off' on my kid ...then out of feelings ofbetter job than others because you're the kid's parent,
guilt, I let him have his way.and you will see him/her nearly every day as long as
10. My kid uses guilt-trips on me a lot.he/she continues to live at your house. A therapist
11. My kid usually gets his way in the long run.would only have about 12 hours of "influence time" if
12. He can be verbally/physically aggressive.he/she were doing "family therapy" with you and your
13. She refuses to do any chores.kid ...you will have thousands of hours of influence time.
14. He is very manipulative.You managed your child up until he/she reached
15. I feel guilty because of having to work and notpuberty. Then your kid fired you as the manager and
being able to spend enough time with my kid.said, "I'll take over from here." The best you can do
16. I feel sorry for the kid because of divorce or annow is to be re-hired as a consultant.
abandoning father/mother.You can't control your kid, but you can influence him or
17. I don't want my kids to have to go through what Iher. And if the parent fails to influence the child, the
went through.world will CONTROL the child -- and the world is not
18. My kid is in charge (the tail is wagging the dog).concerned about what is right or fair.
19. My kid feels entitled to privileges, but not responsibleKnow that your child WILL resist any parenting
for his actions.changes you implement. For a while, it may seem as
20. She does not get along well with authority figures.though things are getting worse. This is because your
21. He believes the rules do not apply to him.child is adjusting to the changes you make. But don't
22. She is resentful about something that happened inbe fooled!!! Your oppositional child will try very hard to
the past.make you believe that your parenting changes are not
23. He has attention-deficit problems too.working and that your discipline has no effect.
Do these phrases describe your kid's behavior fairlyNo Half Measures! --
accurately?When parents implement "unconventional" parenting
1. Often loses temperstrategies, the change cycle looks something like this:
2. Often argues with adults1. Initially, things get worse (i.e., your kid does not like
3. Often actively defies or refuses to comply withyour new parenting strategies and begins to act-out
adults' requests or ruleseven more)
4. Often deliberately annoys people2. After a few weeks, problems between parent and
5. Often blames others for his or her mistakes orchild eventually occur lessfrequently, but with the same
misbehaviorintensity (e.g., instead of five heated arguments a
6. Is often touchy or easily annoyed by othersweek, there are only two)
7. Is often angry and resentful3. Problems between parent and child occur less
8. Is often spiteful and vindictivefrequently AND with lessintensity (e.g., only one
9. Often bullies, threatens, or intimidates othersargument a week that is not very heated)
10. Often initiates physical fightsWill problems go away totally -- and stay away
11. Has used a weapon that can cause serious physicalforever? No. But problems are likely to occur with less
harm to othersfrequency and severity over time. And you will be able
12. Physically cruel to animalsto cope better due to a reduction in your stress-level.
13. Physically cruel to peopleYou literally have the toughest job in the world,
14. Has stolen other's propertybecause you are helping with the development of a
15. Has broken into someone else's house, building orhuman being (your child). And humans are the most
carcomplex things on earth - more complicated than
16. Often lies to obtain goods or favors or to avoidcomputers (after all, humans created computers), more
workcomplicated than spacecraft (after all, humans created
17. Often stays out at night despite parental prohibitionsspace craft). And humans are especially complicated
18. Has run away from home overnight withoutwhen they are teenagers with oppositional defiant
returning home for a lengthy periodtendencies. So this week when you begin to doubt
19. Often skips schoolyourself or feel discouraged or feel overwhelmed,
If most of these statements are true for you and yourremind yourself that this is not an easy job for anyone.
child, then you will (a) benefit from using a set of