| Jasmyn Karfeld is the daughter. Ken Karfeld is the | | | | life, or cause them to have a bad one. |
| father. Jasmyn was what society considered an | | | | Juanita: Parents and teenagers by design seem to |
| extreme case of an out of control teen. Now they talk | | | | have challenges in communication. What do you feel is |
| about it. Welcome to Reader Views Jasmyn and Ken. | | | | the biggest challenge teenager's face in communicating |
| Juanita: You have written a very unique book that | | | | with their parents today? |
| gives a valuable insight into a growing problem that is | | | | Jasmyn: A lot of times parents don't understand |
| probably affecting more families than one would think. | | | | where their teenagers are coming from, or how truly |
| Why were you inspired to co-author a book about | | | | important the social aspects and feeling of having |
| such a raw and personal account? | | | | some control over their lives is to teenagers. The |
| Ken: While reminiscing with Jasmyn it became | | | | teenager will be worried about those things, and the |
| apparent there was a misunderstanding of each | | | | parents are more worried about long term goals, such |
| others intentions and perceptions during her upbringing. | | | | as college and a successful job, so the parent will be |
| The degree of our separation on actual events was | | | | concentrated on those things, instead of addressing |
| intriguing where as our memories of the same events | | | | the immediate. |
| were so different. We believed if we could articulate | | | | Juanita: In a situation of so much crisis and fear, how |
| this in a book we could help others in the same | | | | does a parent give unconditional love and acceptance |
| situation gain an understanding that could facilitate | | | | when they are witnessing their teen making |
| growth and healing. | | | | destructive choices? |
| Jasmyn: We thought it was interesting that when | | | | Ken: It's not easy. One of the things Jasmyn said kept |
| talking about various past situations, our perspectives | | | | her from doing things that she knew were really |
| of what happened in any given situation were so | | | | wrong was that she never had a sense of |
| different. We thought that reading an account of a | | | | desperation. She knew she always had the option to |
| child's life from both her perspective and her parent's | | | | come home to loving parents. As a parent, taking that |
| perspective would have been incredibly enlightening, so | | | | away would have been devastating. Knowing that you |
| we decided to write it. | | | | are there for your child is a beacon for them. |
| Juanita: What was the first step in opening the lines of | | | | Juanita: You have suggested that one of the big |
| communication between the two of you? | | | | influences to the downward spiral was that Jasmyn |
| Ken: I think even in our darkest times there remained a | | | | was very intelligent and wasn't challenged enough in |
| line of communication between us. Jasmyn coming to | | | | school. How big of a problem do you feel this is today |
| us for help when she was at her worst could be | | | | and what can parents do to help? |
| considered a first step | | | | Ken: I think this has been a problem since the advent |
| Jasmyn: When I had children and became a parent | | | | of public schools. Parents need to get involved with all |
| myself, I was able to appreciate that position a lot | | | | aspects of their kids life. Finding an activity to stimulate |
| more, and was more open to communication and | | | | and motivate is the key to communication. |
| advice that came from my dad. | | | | Jasmyn: I think that is probably a big problem today |
| Juanita: What was the biggest differing perception you | | | | with some kids, and I see it in my own daughter. So |
| realized throughout the process of writing this book? | | | | what I try to do with her is to give her things to channel |
| Ken: I don't think Jasmyn was aware of the turmoil she | | | | that intelligence into- things like books, dance, and I'm |
| was creating. A recurring theme in the book is Jasmyn | | | | thinking about getting her into drama as well. |
| saying "why do they care, it's my life." I think she | | | | Otherwise, she will get bored and channel her energy |
| understands after reading the part authored by me the | | | | into things that may not be good for her. |
| extent we actually did care. | | | | Juanita: You have been asked to speak at a court |
| Jasmyn: It was that my dads IDEA of what would | | | | mediation group regarding how parents and teens |
| motivate me was SOOO incredibly different than the | | | | relate. How have your unique viewpoints helped in this |
| things that ACTUALLY would have motivated me. | | | | process and have you any success stories to share? |
| Juanita: What advise would you give parents in similar | | | | Ken: Timely question. Jasmyn is speaking next week |
| crisis? | | | | at a women's symposium at a correctional facility in |
| Ken: Create positive incentives for change. Find an | | | | Salem, Oregon. As I write this my wife is on the phone |
| outlet for your child to express themselves and be | | | | with a reader that got in touch with us after reading |
| challenged. The best remedy is prevention. | | | | the book. We are giving her suggestions and support |
| Jasmyn: To really listen to their kids, figure out what | | | | through a very similar situation to our past. We are |
| motivates and drives them, and then USE that to | | | | considering starting a support group as a result of the |
| encourage the behavior you want from them. | | | | emails and calls we are receiving |
| Juanita: What advise would you give teens in similar | | | | Jasmyn: I think I have a very unique perspective in that |
| crisis? | | | | I am a parent, but am still young enough to remember |
| Ken: Advice is so easy to give but hard to take. Sit | | | | what it feels like to be a teen. The fact that my dad |
| down with your parents and be honest. Parents really | | | | and I are so close now makes us a success story. |
| do care as a rule. Let your parents know what your | | | | Juanita: I would like to thank both of you for sharing |
| concerns are and try to understand your well being is | | | | your thoughts today. With such a unique perspective |
| and always will be their paramount concern. It is your | | | | and unflinching honesty, your book "He Said, She Said" |
| life but it is your parent's goal and greatest wish to help | | | | will definitely help many people. Do you have anything |
| you navigate the pitfalls that will keep you from having | | | | else you'd like to share with your readers? |
| a great future. Try to remember you are a teenager | | | | Ken: Yes, Parents can get a lot out of this book and |
| for only a very short time, and an adult for the rest of | | | | they will read it willingly. For teens, especially troubled |
| your life. Don't mortgage your future with bad decisions | | | | teens, if asked to read this it may be looked at as just |
| that will stay with you forever. Your parents don't | | | | another lame thing mom or dad wants from them. I |
| have all the answers but they have been there. | | | | suggest picking a chapter that will have particular |
| Jasmyn: To make sure to communicate with your | | | | relevance to your child and making a deal with your |
| parents, and try to take an active role in your life, by | | | | teen to read just this one chapter. Then talk about |
| figuring out what you want, how to incorporate that | | | | Jasmyn's and Ken's experience in that chapter with |
| with what your parents want, and talk to them about | | | | your teen. Questions like " Boy, Ken really blew it with |
| ways to do that. Come at it from a solution standpoint, | | | | Jasmyn there! Have I ever done anything that dumb?" |
| instead of a problem oriented one. | | | | Or " What do you think Jasmyn and Ken could have |
| Juanita: What were the catalyst and /or turning point in | | | | done differently to help instead of hurt there |
| your healing process? | | | | relationship?" This will open up those depleted avenues |
| Ken: That would have to be when Jasmyn actually | | | | of communication. Have the teen also come up with a |
| asked for help. | | | | few questions for the parents. Once your talking your |
| Jasmyn: When I realized that kids meant I now had | | | | on your way! |
| something to lose. I could make sure they had a good | | | | |