| When angry, defiant teenagers are yelling at you and | | | | shrieking parent hardly conveys that image! |
| causing a scene, what should parents do? | | | | Another thing, when you join in the yelling it's so easy |
| Many parents don't even think about it. They yell back! | | | | to descend into insults and put-downs. No kids like to |
| Why do they do this? For two reasons: | | | | be humiliated, so when parents do that, respect |
| | | | diminishes even further. |
| 1. They're angry themselves because they don't like | | | | So what do you do in the face of defiant teenagers? |
| anyone - especially youngsters - yelling at them. Their | | | | Breathe deeply in order to stay calm. Make a supreme |
| pride is hurt. | | | | effort to let all the yelling and disrespect go right over |
| 2. They feel that if they don't 'fight back', they'll lose | | | | your head. It's not that you're allowing them to insult |
| face. They'll be seen as a soft touch. If they don't | | | | you, it's just that you won't allow them to hurt you. |
| stand up to the defiant teenagers they'll have | | | | Remind them that defiant, disrespectful behavior will |
| everyone walk over them - not just the defiant | | | | have consequences. If you consistently enforce these |
| teenagers. | | | | consequences, no one will think you are losing face. |
| These are perfectly reasonable responses. I wouldn't | | | | Instead, your credibility will rise rapidly. |
| quibble with the aims, only with the methods. Let's | | | | Insist that you will not be goaded into a response in the |
| consider the situation carefully. When parents yell back, | | | | heat of the moment. Let it be known that when |
| when they lose their own tempers, they descend to | | | | everyone is calm, you will discuss the matter - and |
| the behavioral level of the defiant teenagers. Now, if | | | | enforce any consequences that are appropriate. Have |
| you want to educate them not to behave in this way, | | | | a quiet, one-on-one session later. Be respectful and |
| do you seriously think that modeling the same behavior | | | | sympathetic - but assertive. That way you will gain |
| will work? | | | | respect, not lose it. |
| Of course not. When you behave in the same way, | | | | If this seems a tall order, maybe you could benefit |
| the defiant teenagers - and anyone else listening - lose | | | | from professional help. It needn't cost the earth, and |
| respect for you. They see right away that you have | | | | there are some excellent online programs that |
| lost control of the situation. Kids - even defiant | | | | thousands of people have written testimonials for, |
| teenagers - want someone to put a brake on defiant, | | | | gladly expressing their gratitude for the help in dealing |
| disrespectful behavior. Secretly they want the authority | | | | with their defiant teenagers. |
| figures in their lives to be strong and dependable. A | | | | |