| Have you ever wondered how to change kids | | | | When we began to really embrace the idea that we |
| behavior? If you have, you are not unusual. Parents | | | | could not change their behavior, we started to ask a |
| have sought the answer to this question since the | | | | different question. Rather than ask "How do I change |
| dawn of time. In many respects, the answer is the holy | | | | my kids behavior?," we began to ask ourselves "How |
| grail of parenting. | | | | do I work with my children so that they want to |
| Sadly, even though parents have wondered how to | | | | change their behavior?" |
| answer this question for so long, most miss the one | | | | This simple shift in thinking has made a huge difference |
| secret that stops them from effectively teaching their | | | | for us as parents. When we shifted from asking a |
| children how to control their behavior in appropriate | | | | "how do I control them" question to "how do I |
| ways. | | | | encourage them to change" question, we moved from |
| As we have worked with our own children and with | | | | control tactics to influence strategies. |
| business clients across the country, we strive to | | | | In general, we have noticed that people can tell that |
| remember this concept - | | | | you are trying to control them, and they don't like it. |
| We cannot change another person's behavior. | | | | Since they don't like it, when you try to control another |
| We cannot change another person's behavior. Only | | | | person (whether adult or child), you trigger a response |
| they can change their behavior. We might work with | | | | in them that almost guarantees that they will resist. |
| them, communicate with them, and counsel them | | | | Working to influence people rather than control them |
| during the behavior change. Ultimately, the choice is | | | | communicates that we recognize that they are distinct |
| there's to make. If they don't want to change they | | | | and autonomous individuals. This simple recognition of |
| won't: period. | | | | their uniqueness seems to create a better environment |
| When applied to parenting, this concept leads to the | | | | where people can relax and receive the message |
| secret that most parents miss - | | | | rather than resist and ignore it. |
| You do not change your kids behavior. They do. | | | | These general observations apply to all people - child |
| On first glance, this observation can seem negative. | | | | or adult. So, if the observation applies to all people, it |
| After all, parents want to teach their children how to | | | | applies to our kids and yours. |
| behave appropriately. They want to help their children | | | | The secret to changing your kids behavior is to not try |
| eliminate undesirable behaviors and replace them with | | | | to change their behavior at all. Learn to understand |
| desirable ones. | | | | your child, communicate effectively with your child, and |
| In working with our own kids, we learned that this | | | | to create situations where they learn from their own |
| observation about behavioral change actually helped | | | | mistakes and failures, and their behavior will change. |
| us in our efforts to teach them. | | | | |