How Parents Can Discipline Children and Promote Learning Without Stress & Punishment or Rewards

5 Things GREAT Parents Know, Understand, & Donot really succeed. Your children should behave
to Motivate Children to Learn Without Usingbecause they want to—not because they have to in
Punishments or Rewards. Traditional child discipliningorder to avoid punishment.
approaches are no longer successful for far too many 
young people. For example, a parent related theInternal motivation—where people want to
following to me after a discussion of how society andchange—is more lasting and effective than motivation
youth have changed in recent generations:by punishment. The way to influence people is through
 positive, non-coercive interaction.
The other day, my teenage daughter was eating in a 
rather slovenly manner, and I lightly tapped her on theHere's how...
wrist saying, "Don't eat that way." 
 5 Things GREAT Parents Know, Understand, and Do
My daughter replied, "Don't abuse me."to Motivate Children to Learn Without Using
 Punishments or Rewards.
The mother had grown up in the 1960s and 
volunteered the point that her generation tested1. Great parents understand the importance of building
authority but most were really afraid to step out ofa close relationship with their children. Many children put
bounds. She related that her daughter was a goodforth little effort if they have negative feelings about
child and added, "But the kids today not only disrespecttheir parents. Superior parents establish good, close
authority, they have no fear of it."relationships AND have high expectations for their
 children
And, because of rights for young children—which we 
should have—it's hard to instill that fear without others2. Great parents communicate and discipline in positive
claiming abuse.ways. They let their children know what they want
 them to do, rather than by telling students what NOT
So, how can we discipline our children, so we asto do.
parents can do our jobs and teach our children who 
refuse to learn?3. Great parents inspire rather than coerce. They aim
 at promoting responsibility rather than obedience. They
In many cases we resort to punishment as a strategyknow that OBEDIENCE DOES NOT CREATE
for motivation. This negative, coercive discipline andDESIRE.
punishment approach is based on the belief that it is 
necessary to cause suffering to teach. It's like you4. Great parents identify the reason that a lesson is
need to hurt in order to instruct.being taught and then share it with their children. These
 parents inspire their children through curiosity, challenge,
For example, when kids misbehave, most parentsand relevancy.
send them to their room. However, coercion, as in 
punishment, is not a lasting change agent. Once the5. Great parents have an open mindset. They
punishment is over, the child feels free and clear to doREFLECT so that if something needs improvement
exactly what they want again.they look to themselves to change BEFORE they
 expect their children to change.
The fact of the matter, however, is that people learn 
better when they feel better, not when they feelUnfortunately, parents today still have a 20th century
worse.mindset that focuses on EXTERNAL APPROACHES
 to increase motivation. We as parents are overlooking
Remember, if punishment were effective in reducingthe simple universal truth that people develop positive
inappropriate behavior, then there would be NOself-talk and self-esteem through the successes of
discipline problemsTHEIR OWN EFFORTS.
  
The irony of punishment is that the more you use it toSo, have high expectations for your children, motivate
control your children's behavior, the less real influencethem to succeed and follow my tips above and you'll
you have over them. This is because coercion breedsbe able to "Discipline without Stress, Punishments or
resentment. In addition, if your children behave becauseRewards.
they are forced to behave, then you as a parent did