| For many children, the sadness of being given up by | | | | deal with their feelings of rejection from their birth |
| their birth parents can be soothed somewhat with their | | | | parents? |
| adoption into a secure, loving family. For some children, | | | | Tips for Helping Adopted Children Cope |
| however, it is a much deeper wound, especially when | | | | - Give them a reason. Specific details should be |
| they are rejected outright. Whether their feelings of | | | | age-appropriate, but the child should be told why her |
| rejection stem from being given up initially or from | | | | parents gave her up. Even in the worst scenario, a |
| when they try to connect with their parents later in life, | | | | child deserves to know the details of her past. It gives |
| it can be tremendously painful and difficult to get over. | | | | her a history and helps set the stage for the healing |
| Understanding Rejection | | | | process to begin. Giving her reasons also helps the |
| There are many reasons a mother may give up her | | | | child see both sides, which will help her to understand |
| child. In most cases, giving her child to someone who is | | | | how much better off she may be in her current |
| better equipped to care for him is an unselfish, loving | | | | situation. |
| thing to do. Still, even in the best circumstances, children | | | | - Keep them talking. These children are particularly |
| may struggle with the fact that their own mother gave | | | | vulnerable to shutting down and building high walls of |
| them to other people to be cared for. | | | | mistrust around themselves. After all, if the people who |
| Children who feel rejected by their birth parents | | | | gave them life don't want them, who would? This is |
| commonly experience feelings of resentment and | | | | the very mindset these children can tumble into unless |
| anger. Holding onto such feelings can make coping | | | | they learn early on to face things head on. When |
| mechanisms such as drinking and drugs seem like the | | | | children are encouraged to keep talking, especially |
| only way to deal with their situations. What these | | | | about their feelings, they are less likely to internalize. |
| children need are people to show them they matter | | | | - Help them deal with grief. Even if a child is adopted |
| and that their presence is wanted, even if they don't | | | | into a loving home, feelings of sadness or anger can |
| believe that themselves. | | | | linger. He may wonder what it would have been like |
| Carl Jung believed in children's resilience to adversity. | | | | living with his birth parents. His past is a loss he must |
| He felt even in the worst situations, all children really | | | | grieve for to go on and remain positive. |
| needed was love, understanding and the support of | | | | - Teach proactive coping mechanisms. This is |
| one loving, caring adult to pull them through. He also | | | | especially important during the grieving stage so that |
| believed that we all have the power within ourselves | | | | maladaptive ways of coping, such as falling into drugs |
| to heal. So, what can be done to help these children | | | | or alcohol, aren't considered the only option. |