| Linking objects -- keepsakes that remind us of a | | | | about the challenge of letting go in her book, "Making |
| deceased loved one -- can be a source of comfort. A | | | | Our Lives Our Own: A Woman's Guide to Six |
| widow may wear her husband's watch, for example. | | | | Challenges of Personal Change." |
| A bereaved son may use his father's golf clubs. These | | | | Letting go does not signal defeat or lack of control, |
| objects make us feel close to the loved one we lost. | | | | Mason explains, it is simply the initial phase of a journey. |
| The other day I came across a linking object, actually | | | | When we let go we begin to detach. According to |
| a linking message, from my deceased daughter. | | | | Mason, detachment is not passive, it is active, and |
| I was cleaning out the kitchen desk junk drawer. As I | | | | comes from calm. Over time, detachment evolves into |
| was leafing through a pile of rumpled papers, I found a | | | | acceptance. "We only know joy because we know |
| Christmas card she sent us years ago. It contained the | | | | suffering," she writes. |
| traditional "Merry Christmas" message, but my | | | | I am at this point now. Though many have found |
| daughter's hand written note was extraordinary, and I | | | | comfort in linking objects, I found comfort in this linking |
| could tell she was in a hurry when she wrote it. | | | | message. When I read the letter I feel like my daughter |
| Her note: "Thank you for everything you have done | | | | is speaking to me. Indeed, I can hear her voice and see |
| for us. I am very grateful to have you as parents and | | | | her smile. The words "love" and "concern" tell why our |
| friends. I'm certainly glad I had a family to hold me | | | | daughter named us as her children's guardians. Her use |
| together through yet another growing experience. I just | | | | of the word "friend" is also touching. |
| wanted you to know what a big help you've been and | | | | The University of Washington Counseling Center cites |
| that your love, concern and efforts have helped us | | | | linking objects in a website article, "Healthy Grieving." |
| tremendously. John and Haley couldn't have better | | | | Carrying or wearing a linking object is one of the |
| grandparents." | | | | suggestions in the article. "Anticipate the time in the |
| My husband and I remember the card. We received it | | | | future when you no longer need this reminder and |
| when our daughter was going through a divorce. Her | | | | gently let it go," the article advises. This is sage advice |
| note meant a lot to us then and means even more to | | | | for linking objects, but not necessarily for personal |
| us today. After our twin grandchildren lost their mother | | | | letters. |
| in a car crash and their father in another crash, the | | | | Instead, we will keep the card and treasure it always. |
| court appointed us as their guardians and financial | | | | Our daughter's words "couldn't have better |
| conservators. | | | | grandparents" will be a source of energy in the years |
| Raising teenagers and grieving at the same time is the | | | | ahead. We have almost gotten the twins through high |
| hardest thing we have ever done. While we tried to | | | | school. Now we have to get them through college. My |
| stay upbeat for our grandchildren, we were letting go | | | | husband and I hope to be at their graduation, with our |
| of our deceased loved ones. Marilyn J. Mason writes | | | | daughter's letter in hand. |