| After half a lifetime spent fantasizing about being a | | | | having had one requires resourcefulness and creativity, |
| parent I have fully convinced myself not to reproduce. I | | | | as well as enough humility to learn new skills the hard |
| guess I just don't have it in me to give of myself so | | | | way. Someone who was not well-parented is lucky if |
| deeply and for so long. | | | | they have a partner who was and who can take over |
| Nevertheless, I have an enduring curiosity about what it | | | | in times of doubt and stress. |
| takes to raise an emotionally healthy human being and | | | | Seeing your kid fail at something must be tough. Some |
| an admiration for those who do it. | | | | parents seem to want to protect their kids from this |
| I know some parents resent the demands their children | | | | experience so that their self-esteem won't be bruised. I |
| place upon them. The costs in time, resources and | | | | think this is a mistake. Real competence comes from |
| energy are immense. There are few other endeavors | | | | failing and recovering, over and over. Fear of failure |
| that require more sacrifice, more patience, more | | | | paralyzes initiative. |
| endurance and willingness to suffer for love of | | | | One of the hardest things about good parenting is |
| another. Parents tell me the rewards are also great. I | | | | letting go. Children require and demand more and more |
| believe it. | | | | freedom as they grow. This means living with faith and |
| Not all parents are worthy of praise. We hear about | | | | fear. |
| bad parents all the time. Good parenting goes | | | | The fear comes with releasing half-baked loved ones |
| unheralded. There are no perfect parents, of course. | | | | into a world full of danger. All parents worry. Faith is |
| But those who try hard deserve credit. To me, it looks | | | | what makes the fear bearable. Knowing you've done |
| like a heroic effort. | | | | a decent job of parenting allows you to trust your kids |
| The challenge for many parents is to do it better than | | | | to handle themselves in the world. Watching them |
| their own parents did. This is tricky, like navigating | | | | thrive is your reward. |
| without a map. To be a good role-model without ever | | | | |