| Some single parents have never had the other parent | | | | planning with one pair of hands and one brain. Even if |
| around, so they've only ever expected to get on with | | | | you're a superhero, everyone needs time to |
| things alone. However, other single parents have had | | | | themselves. Having back-up for when our routine gets |
| the experience of being part of a nuclear family and | | | | out of kilter or when an illness gets on top of us is an |
| having a partner to share the load. For them the | | | | essential part of successful parenting. Help can come |
| transition to an extended family - them with the | | | | from friends, family, school parents, neighbors - build |
| children and the father in another residence - has been | | | | and cultivate these relationships. It can also be hired |
| a painful one. Whatever your experience, there are | | | | ahead of time using childminders, nannies, babysitters, |
| some skills you simply must have as a single parent. | | | | cleaners and odd-job services. Make sure you |
| Here are my top five: | | | | research these in advance so that in the moment of |
| 1. Be Organized | | | | need you can make a safe choice. |
| The first rule for success in anything is that YOU are | | | | 4. Practice New Skills |
| 100% responsible for YOU. Now, we can excuse | | | | There are so many jobs I used to think 'That's usually |
| ourselves and say 'I slept late', 'I didn't get that note | | | | a man's job - it must be complicated'. But over the |
| from my son's school', 'I forgot it was at 4 o'clock', 'I'll do | | | | past 6 years I've learned that almost NO job fall's into |
| it tomorrow' or 'I don't have the energy'. But these | | | | that category. Polishing floors, painting, organizing house |
| attitudes will not help you or your children to move | | | | renovations, replacing car tyres, assembling furniture, |
| forward to the rewarding and rich life that comes from | | | | even changing locks - I've done them all and I'll let you |
| being responsible and organized. | | | | in on a little secret ... they're all easy peasy. Sure, I had |
| Getting organized means planning ahead. Look at the | | | | to ask some questions of my dad, my brothers or the |
| year, the month, the week and define what would | | | | nice man at the DIY shop. But when I come away with |
| make it excellent for you and for your children. Then | | | | the solution and get the job done it's extremely |
| break these aspirations down into easy actions. So if | | | | satisfying and very empowering. |
| it's a holiday in June you want, then you know you'll | | | | 5. Learn to Laugh at Yourself |
| have to book ahead and ensure there's enough | | | | Just in case you've got to No.4 above and think I'm a |
| money set aside to finance it. If it's improved reading | | | | sort of 'superhero - she'll tackle anything' kind of |
| you want from your 5-year old, then you know you'll | | | | person, I just want to share a little moment I had last |
| have to dedicate 20 minutes every evening to sit | | | | year. I was in one of those huge DIY superstores |
| down with him and practice. If it's getting to grips with | | | | trying to find a bulb socket to replace a faulty light I |
| the practicalities of running a house, then think who | | | | had in my hallway. I had narrowed it down to 2 and I |
| would know the answers you're looking for (a friend, | | | | thought I would call my builder friend to explain what I |
| the gas company, a plumber) and get on the phone. | | | | needed and to help me make the right decision. My |
| Be bold - every positive action you take will build your | | | | phone cut out just after I'd started to talk. I was left |
| confidence and contribute to an even brighter future. | | | | stranded in this huge store feeling helpless and |
| 2. Get Working | | | | hopeless and thinking 'Why isn't there someone who |
| Everyone's circumstances are different, but I'm | | | | can just do these 'blue jobs' for me!'. Then I cried, |
| including this instruction in my top 5 because it's my | | | | standing right there in the lighting aisle! I wept my little |
| experience that working and earning are directly | | | | heart out. |
| related to independence and confidence. It could be a | | | | I can look back now and laugh at that story. But at the |
| part time job in a shop - something that fits around | | | | time I was truly overwhelmed! And there are many |
| your children's school times. It could be a full-time | | | | times I've messed up, got times wrong, had to ask for |
| position in your field of expertise - something that | | | | help, ended up in tears or handled a situation |
| requires extra support for your children's care. | | | | insensitively. And you know what I've learned? ... |
| Whatever it is, having a regular time when you're | | | | There'll be loads more. We are not designed to be |
| committed to leaving the house and integrating with | | | | perfect. However, with humility and the right mindset |
| other adults, coupled with a financial reward for the | | | | (one where we cultivate an 'attitude of gratitude') we |
| commitment, creates a healthy contrast to our often | | | | can enjoy our successes and laugh at our 'learning |
| children-focused evenings and weekends. | | | | experiences' (even the cringe worthy ones!) along the |
| 3. Build a Support Network | | | | way. |
| You can't parent, work, study, do house chores and | | | | |