| The word "discipline" literally means to educate, teach | | | | disguise. |
| and train. Effective discipline of children is not to punish, | | | | There are three types of imposed consequences, |
| control or manipulate. In her book, 'Kids are Worth It!' | | | | affirming, disciplinary, or punishing. Imposed affirming |
| author Barbara Coloroso discusses that effective | | | | consequences focus on something positive and |
| discipline does four things that punishment does not: | | | | appreciated about a child, acknowledging a quality, gift |
| shows children what they've done wrong; gives | | | | or attribute, basic worth, or an accomplishment. For |
| children ownership of the problem; helps children find | | | | instance, a teenager gets more privileges driving a car |
| ways to solve the problem; and leaves a child's dignity | | | | with good responsible driving habits. |
| intact. | | | | An imposed disciplinary consequence focuses on |
| Even though at the time, imposing healthy | | | | establishing structure, setting limits, helping children |
| consequences may feel like punishment to a child, | | | | mature and become more respectful and responsible. |
| when done effectively, it can promote stronger | | | | For instance, a parent imposes limits for a teenager |
| relationships. | | | | who does not show responsibility when using the |
| Consequences for children can be either natural or | | | | family car. |
| logical (imposed by parents). A natural consequence is | | | | Imposed punishing consequences are often unrelated |
| something that happens naturally as a result of some | | | | to the issue or misbehavior and usually have the goal |
| action, or inaction. It does not take any decision or | | | | of causing pain or loss on the child's part. This is |
| effort for it to happen. Natural consequences can be | | | | certainly a less than healthy way for parents to |
| more positive and desired, neutral or negative and | | | | impose consequences. For instance, a parent may |
| unwelcome. An example of a positive natural | | | | take all privileges away from a teenager who does |
| consequence is when a child remembers to wear a | | | | not show responsibility using the family car. |
| coat on a cold day and feels warm and comfortable. | | | | It is the certainty and not the severity of a |
| Or a negative unpleasant consequence would be the | | | | consequence that is important. Parents benefit when |
| child does not remember to wear a coat on a cold | | | | they understand that the most minimal consequence |
| day and gets chilled. | | | | possible that makes the point and accomplishes the |
| An imposed consequence is also something that | | | | mission of that consequence will most likely be the |
| happens as a result of some action or inaction; | | | | most effective and healthy consequence, and often is |
| somebody must intentionally do something to make the | | | | the easiest for a parent to impose and manage. |
| consequence happen. Imposed consequences are | | | | One of the biggest challenges facing parents is when |
| determined and implemented by parents and | | | | to step in and impose consequences. If natural |
| caregivers. When parents are put in a position to | | | | consequences will help a child learn, then many times a |
| impose consequences, it can be more effective if the | | | | parent imposing consequences is not necessary. If the |
| consequences are reasonable, simple, practical and | | | | situation is not life-threatening, morally threatening or |
| maybe most importantly, a valuable learning tool. If it | | | | unhealthy, a parent should give strong consideration as |
| isn't all four of these, the consequence is probably not | | | | whether imposing a consequence is necessary. |
| going to be effective and it could be punishment in | | | | |