| Expectations of children are tricky for parents. | | | | the likelihood of errors. So many a first born child |
| Expect too much of children and they may become | | | | avoids going out on a limb because he or she is |
| discouraged as they know they can't deliver on your | | | | hamstrung by high parental expectations. (Don't feel |
| expectations. | | | | guilty, it just happens!) |
| Expect too little and they may well meet your | | | | Our expectations of children's learning need to be |
| expectations and deliver very little. | | | | positive and realistic. We need to convey through our |
| The key is to keep your expectations just ahead of | | | | language and behaviour that we believe children can |
| your children's capabilities. Let's explore this notion of | | | | succeed in a whole range of areas from mixing with |
| expecatrions. | | | | others to learning how to read but the expectations |
| Parents frequently ask me when they should begin to | | | | need to be based on reality rather than fantasy. This |
| develop independence in children. My response rarely | | | | means we need to know our children's capabilities and |
| varies - we develop independence from the earliest | | | | avoid comparing their learning and development to that |
| possible age. Toddlers generally want to help out at | | | | of other children. This is easier said than done as it is |
| home and do things for themselves but sometimes in | | | | tempting to assess your own success as a parent on |
| the busyness of life we forget to give them the | | | | how your children are developing and behaving. Far |
| chances to do things for themselves. So we place | | | | better to work from the reality of the situation so if |
| cups and plates on tables for them, undress and dress | | | | your child struggles academically compared with what |
| toddlers and feed them for far too long. When children | | | | you hoped for then so be it. Be patient, help him to |
| move into school we pack their schoolbags, speak for | | | | develop the skills and attitudes to succeed but keep |
| them in shops or when adults address them and | | | | your expectations within his realms of possibility. |
| routinely pour their drinks and prepare their food - | | | | Expectations are easy to talk and read about but they |
| things that they are capable of doing for themselves | | | | are hard to control. I have spoken with parents who |
| albeit at a child-like level. | | | | swear black and blue that they have never expected |
| As good parents we don't let our kids want for much | | | | too much of their children other than what they are |
| and we rush in to make life easy for kids and | | | | capable of. Fair call. I have spoken with their children |
| ourselves. But good parenting is the bane of the earth. | | | | who claim that their parents placed inordinate pressure |
| Give me responsible parenting any day where parents | | | | on them to be the scholars that they were never |
| place responsibility where it lay, particularly when it | | | | going to be, the sportsperson that their dad never was |
| comes to kids helping themselves. This doesn't mean | | | | or the performing star that their mother delighted in. Go |
| that a four year old cooks a three-course meal or | | | | figure! |
| strips and makes his bed each day. Rather | | | | Okay, how do you measure as a parent? Do you |
| independence is developed in small steps working | | | | expect too little or too much of your children? It is a |
| from just ahead of where kids are at developmentally. | | | | hard one. But getting expectations right is about |
| So helping to put the vegetables on the kitchen bench | | | | knowing yourself and knowing your children. Some kids |
| is a step toward cooking a meal and arranging the | | | | (often later borns) need to be driven so maybe your |
| teddy and doonah is a good first step toward | | | | expectations need to be made known and maybe |
| bed-making. Responsible parents build scaffolds that | | | | pretty high. While others, particularly first borns, drive |
| allow independence to occur. | | | | themselves hard anyway and succeed better when |
| Expectations extend to children's learning and | | | | parents are a little more laid back about what they |
| development. We need to get these right or kids can | | | | expect of their children. |
| be discouraged from trying and just give up. First born | | | | As with everything about parenting there are no |
| children, in particular, frequently experience | | | | answers, only quandaries. But the notion of |
| extraordinarily high parental expectations regarding | | | | expectations is worth thinking about as we interact |
| their learning and development. First borns, as a cohort, | | | | with our children on a daily basis and try to keep our |
| are often low risk-takers when it comes to breaking | | | | expectations both positive (yes, I think you can do this!) |
| out and trying new things. The road to innovation and | | | | and realistic (maybe riding your bike to town is beyond |
| adventure is littered with uncertainty, which increases | | | | you now but let's try riding to the shops first). |