| One of the greatest challenges of parenting is | | | | positive reinforcement, will quickly be seen as arbitrary |
| disciplining children. Between the ages of toddlerhood | | | | and unfair, and you'll have a crisis on your hands. |
| (about two) and roughly ten, children are sponges, and | | | | Children work remarkably well when it comes to |
| they learn and absorb everything around them. They | | | | rewarding them for behaviors. Make those rewards |
| imitate their role models, and try to mimic behavior, | | | | explicit and make the progress towards the reward |
| they have their squabbles and spats and crises, and | | | | visual and obvious. Try putting up a chart with the |
| they're only gradually coming to the belief that the | | | | names of your children on the left hand side, and the |
| world does not revolve around them. And your job as | | | | rules that you want them to abide by across the top; |
| a parent is to nurture them, to guide them, to cherish | | | | every time your child obeys a rule (like "goes to bed |
| them, and to discipline children when they need it. It's | | | | without a fuss"), put a star on the chart, and tell them |
| never easy disciplining children, but you should | | | | why they're getting it. Thank them for it, because that |
| remember that the purpose of disciplining children is to | | | | will give an immediate reinforcement. When the entire |
| educate, and enforce boundaries, to alter behavior. It's | | | | chart gets filled out, they get something special. |
| not to punish, it's not to bully, and it's not to lash out in | | | | What can the 'something special' be? There can be |
| frustration (though every parent will get frustrated with | | | | nearly anything imaginable, but they needn't be |
| their children at some point). Your goal is to impart the | | | | elaborate. Nearly anything can do - here's a list of |
| social boundaries and expected behavior into your | | | | proven rewards. |
| child, no matter how much they seem to object to it. | | | | * Getting to choose what the family has for dessert |
| It Starts With Rules | | | | for that night. |
| Your children demand constancy in life. If you've ever | | | | * Some computer game or television time. |
| wondered why they'll cheerfully watch the same video | | | | * A play date with Mommy and Daddy. |
| day after day after day, that's part of it. Making things | | | | * Going out - to either a kid family restaurant, a movie, |
| predictable to their short time horizons is what they're | | | | or the park. |
| doing, and they expect you to be predictable. | | | | * Pulling a treasure chest toy out (you stock up a box |
| Predictability comes from setting rules and boundaries. | | | | with some toys from the Dollar Store ahead of time |
| Adults know that they can't do everything they want; | | | | for this) |
| children are still learning this lesson (often repeatedly, | | | | * A new book, or being read an old favorite one. |
| and with no real grace to it, to be blunt). It's your job in | | | | * A visit from their friends, or a sleepover. |
| disciplining children to make sure that rules are put into | | | | * Getting to choose what game the family plays on |
| place, that boundaries are set, and that breaking the | | | | family game night. |
| rules has a cost. Children are still learning about actions | | | | This is merely the tip of the iceberg when it comes to |
| and consequences; if you've ever gnashed your teeth | | | | rewarding good behavior, and the reward is as |
| at children's television that moralizes at the end with | | | | important as the rules in disciplining children. |
| the subtlety of a jackhammer, that's the reason for it. | | | | When your child breaks the rules (and they will - it's |
| To get the constancy they want, your children must | | | | part of testing boundaries for them, and is part of an |
| be given house rules, they must have those rules | | | | important learning process), it's your job disciplining |
| explained to them, the consequences must be shown | | | | children as a parent to tell them what rule they broke, |
| for breaking them, and they must have the link | | | | have them acknowledge that they broke the rule, and |
| between breaking the rule and the punishment | | | | mete out punishment. You absolutely need to be fast |
| explained. | | | | and firm on this; disciplining children should be swift, so |
| To create house rules, follow these tips: | | | | that it reinforces actions and consequences. It may not, |
| 1. You need a list that's short enough that your children | | | | as your children protest, be fair, but it needs to be swift |
| will remember them. Three to four rules are good for | | | | and have a very limited court of appeals. (One thing |
| toddlers to first graders; about ten is reasonable for | | | | children will try is to get both parents to give |
| ages seven and up. The rules should be SIMPLE, like | | | | contradictory rules...they're gaming the system.) |
| "No hitting" and "No running in the house". | | | | When you're disciplining children, and explain what rule |
| 2. Those rules need to be explained to everyone at | | | | was broken, sit at their level. Make eye contact. Have |
| once. Ask for questions, and answer them. Explain | | | | them acknowledge the rule and that they broke it. |
| what the rules mean, and then have your children | | | | Then, deliver punishment. |
| explain them back to you as a comprehension check. | | | | Traditional punishments for disciplining children can vary |
| 3. These rules should be posted in a location where | | | | from having a toy taken away for a time, to time outs. |
| everyone can see them, even small children. They | | | | Once the punishment is done, you need to repeat the |
| may not be able to read yet (but they'll surprise you on | | | | rule that was broken, have them acknowledge the rule, |
| that), but they should know where the writ of the rules | | | | and then you need to hug them, and tell them that you |
| is. | | | | still love them, then let them tell their side of the story. |
| Rewards As Well As Rules | | | | The point here is that you, as the parent, are the one |
| Disciplining children is more than making rules to follow; | | | | who sets the rules, and metes out justice, but that no |
| they need acknowledgement and reinforcement when | | | | infraction of a rule will ever cost them your love, which |
| they do obey the rules. Rules by themselves, with no | | | | is their deepest fear. |